我用我自己的方式来爱你。。。 I love you with my own method…

“谁说我不爱你？我不爱你，我还爱谁？

我都没有爱别人那么多，为什么你还是不满足？

谁说我不爱你？

我是用我自己的方式来爱你。。。”

听了以上这些话你有什么感想？
哇！好感人啊！好浪漫啊！
哇！好像一首歌！好像电影的情节。。。

对！根本就像歌词，也像足电影情节。。。但，很感人？很浪漫？
拜托！算了吧！讲这种话的人简直是自私、自我、不敏感、不成熟，和根本不懂真爱是什么的人！

爱是把快乐带给对方，尽量让对方感受到温暖、被爱、被肯定，让对方有安全感等等。。。
爱是付出，是为对方着想胜过为自己！

若用“我自己”的方式来爱，那根本是着重于自己的喜好和方便、根本是配合自己的感觉而不是对方的感受，那不叫爱。。。那叫爱自己！可是偏偏很多人就是用自己的方式来爱别人，所以感情会出问题和起冲突就是这样。。。

我辅导了好多人，不只是夫妻，家庭成员、朋友、教会弟兄姐妹也有。。。发现很多时候冲突在于这一边这个觉得自己已经做很多、爱很多，另一边却一点没感受到或“不领情”。。。

爱一个人就是要让对方清楚知道和感受到他是被爱的，试问如果对方都感受不到，那这爱还有什么意思？

话说回来，有一些人的确是真的付出、真的用心、也很正确的去爱了，可是对方还是常常诸多要求，抱怨感受不到被爱等等。。。这又何解？

几个基本原因是：过分要求、只顾自己、错误观念、无理取闹等等。。。

那怎么办？！一下子又说用自己的方式去爱是自私，现在又说感受不到爱而要求多多也是自私！！那到底是谁对谁错？？有没有一个标准？？

聪明！说中了！！重点就在于有没有一个标准？若有一个标准，所有的问题就容易解决，大家都可以以这标准为准绳，双方都以这标准察看自己的要求、观念、感受等等，合理不合理！
有大家认同的标准就容易办事，再大的困难也能够解决！

那爱的标准在哪里？

现在就让我告诉你！

爱是从神而来，神就是爱，所以爱的标准就在神那里，爱的标准就在他的话语和教导里。。。

现在明白为什么上帝说信与不信的不能同负一轭吗？因为若果有一方不信，那出状况时，他哪会顺服神的标准啊？结果公说公有理、婆说婆有理，那问题怎能解决呢？
尽管最后大家尽量相让，但有时候难免会有一方心里受委屈，或心里很不舒服或不平衡。。。表面上和好，心里却不认输，因为准则不清不楚。。。

所以，总结是：我一定要用神的爱的方式来爱你，你也一定要用神的爱的方式来爱我。。。那才是最完全、最健康和最信得过的爱了！

“Who says I don’t love you? If I don’t love you, then who do I love?

I don’t even love others that much, why are you still not satisfied?

Who says I don’t love you?

I love you with my own method…”

What do you think of the above?
Wow! So touching! So romantic!
Wow! It’s like a song! It’s like a movie scene…

Yes! Exactly! It’s just like a song, and just like a movie scene… But, touching? Romantic?
Oh please! Give me a break! People who say such things are actually selfish, self-centered, insensitive, immature, and people who do not  know what real love is!

Love is to bring happiness to your partner, trying your best to let your partner feel the warmth, love, assurance, and sense of security…
Love is giving, and to consider the other person above yourself!

If I use “my own method” to love, then I am more concerned with my own preferences and convenience, suiting my own feelings and not the other person’s, then that is not love… that is called loving myself! Yet, so many people indeed use their own method to love others, that is why there are so many problems and conflicts in relationships…

I have counselled many people, not just married couples, family members, friends, church brothers and sisters too… I discover many a time conflict starts when this side thinks he or she has done and loved a lot, but the other party just does not feel or appreciate it…

To love someone is to make that person know and feel clearly he or she is loved, suppose that person does not even feel it, then what is the whole point of that love?

But then, to be fair, some people have really sacrificed, are really sincere, and have indeed loved correctly, but the other person still demands and complains a lot and insists he or she does not feel loved at all… How do you explain that?

A few basic reasons: over-demanding, self-centeredness, wrong value system, being unreasonable etc…

Then how?! First you said to love someone with your own method is selfishness, now you say not feeling loved and over-demanding is selfishness too! Who is right and who is wrong then?? Is there a standard to measure??

Very clever! Right on the dot!! The point is exactly whether there is a standard to follow? If there is a standard, then all the problems would be easy to resolve because everyone can use this standard as measurement and both parties can use the standard to check whether their demands, values, feelings etc are reasonable!
If there is an agreeable standard by all, things will be easy to deal with, no matter how big the problem is, it can still be resolved!

Then where is the standard of love?

Let me tell you now!

Love is from God and God is love. So the standard of love is with God, it is in His Word and teaching…

Now do you understand why God says do not be unequally yoked with unbeliever? Because if one side does not really believe, when problems arise, how would he or she want to obey God’s standard? As a result each has his own argument, how to solve the problem?
Without a standard, even if in the end both try to give way, sometimes one side might still feel upset or wronged, or really uncomfortable and imbalance inside… reconciled outwardly, but not completely convinced deep inside because the standard is unclear…

So the conclusion is: I must love you with the method of God’s love, and you must also love me with the method of God’s love… That is the most perfect, healthiest and trustworthy love ever!