wah, the intention is really important. Thanks pastor for the sharing!^^

是的主。让我亲近你只单单因为我爱你
只因为喜欢和你在一起。
YA ！O Lord, only You can see clearly
When I draw near to You, what is the motive inside,
O Lord, do search and examine my heart。
…牧师在你还是“神学生”的时候还挺帅嘛！=P

以马内利，以便以谢。

Once again God shows that when we seek him earnestly, He will show you a way. Many times we still use our human thinking to try to solve a problem. I received a summon from a lawyer in the late afternoon on 25th Aug and need to settle the problem (family problem) the next day….or I will be in deep water.
First I called my daddy, I told him I was in trouble..he said he could not help me. Then I speak to my mummy, I know she could help. But she said something which really hurts. “Who asked you to do that?” She forgot she and my daddy were the one who begged me to help my late brother few years ago. Later, I called 2 of my brothers. They definitely could help. To me is a big problem..to them is a very tiny matter. Did they help? No! Just said see what they can do…till now still no news from either of them.
That night I really knelt down before God, repented and cried out to God. I prayed and prayed and poured out my hurts. Then I felt peace and I knew God heard.
The next day, a brother from church helped me to write a letter and another sister from church came to help. Once again God show He is very real.
Thank and praise God. Amen!

看到这篇，我心里也反思了下我自己
我到底是为了什么要寻求神呢？
为了他给我钱？
为了他给我个男人？
为了他给我才干？
真的该好好的改正下心态了！

spent almost a month isolating myself (fast pray meditating praise worship seek Him) from the “routine of ppl & places” – as i needed space to reflect on myself, my life & my walk with Him. during that period of time, felt like i av taken few steps back & “look” at myself, my life & my walk with Him “from a distance”. it’s like watching & observing a “character” in a movie.

Many thoughts flashing through & came to my mind. Checking the motives, the directions/ vision, the actions & consequences, the methods, the happenings along the way, the ppl around the person, the way of life, life style, etc… well, the kinda “thoughts mapping” we usually have whenever watching a movie…

conclusion of the conclusions:-

as i continue to fast pray meditating praise worship seek Him… i was surprised i ended up asking myself, why do i serve in the very first place? am i really willing 2 give up everything 2 follow Him WHEN He asks? i was ONCE so sure of my reason/ motive & i was ONCE so confident nothing can get in my way to FOLLOW Him. i was so disappointed with myself when i found my answer. i av strayed.

then my 2nd surprised came up following that, i found out i have lost my reasons for serving somewhere along the way as i walk & grow in Him… the worst thing is, other reasons that i never thought i would have, have subconsciously “become/took over” the reasons for serving… suddenly i was awaken from the situation i been in & i did not realize “too far” i av strayed from initial desire to serve Him. again, i was so disappointed with myself.

i believe this is a blessing in disguise. a time in the dessert like Elijah/ Jesus/ Jonas but EVENTUALLY came out from there to fulfill His purposes. it was tough during that period. SO much breaking/ crushing of pride from all directions. Back to square one again. im nobody. i’ll start from the basic again. the whole thing is, THIS IS the Grace & Mercy of God for me at this stage of my life.

all for his own glory. (longer than your sharing Pastor ^_^ lol)