逃到北京（2）。。。 Escape to Beijing (2)…

那一次几个问题接踵而来，无法安静思考、近乎窒息。。。
我跟天父说：对不起，我很少逃避现实、不负责任，我很多事情都问过你，但这一次就让我选择逃避一下可以吗？

我不告诉人，自己跑去旅行社买机票，决定飞去北京找刚好当天随孙燕姿演唱会团队飞往北京的祖。

That time, problems came one after another, I could not think coherently, I felt suffocated…
I told Father God: I’m sorry, I seldom run away from reality or am seldom irresponsible, most times I would ask Your permission, but this time, could You just allow me to choose to escape for a while?

I did not tell anyone, I went to buy the air ticket at the travel agency.
I decided to fly to Beijing to meet Jaydon who happened to fly there that day as well with Stefanie Sun’s concert team.

但飞中国需要签证，当天要办签证也已经太迟了。。。

我又跟天父说：我不问你我这样子走掉对不对、该不该，我只求你让我出去透透气一下。。。可以吗？求你让中国理事馆允许我逾时了仍愿意给我签证。。。

旅行社员工回来报告说我的签证拿到了。。。
好几个小时后我抵达北京。

But we need a visa to fly to China and it was too late to apply for a visa that day…

I told Father God again: I’m not asking You as to whether it is right for me to run away in this manner, or whether I should, all that I’m asking for is for You to allow me to go and breathe some fresh air… is that ok? Please allow the Chinese Embassy to grant me a visa beyond their office hours…

The agency staff came back and said I got the visa…
Many hours later, I was in Beijing.

 

孙燕姿音乐总监KennC是我好友，他不知道我其实是“离家出走”，还以为我只是纯粹来度假。
他听到我来很高兴，让我免费跟他们住同样饭店，还安排给我演唱会最贵的贵宾席（约马币八百零吉）！

Stefanie’s music director, Kenn C is my good friend, he did not know I was actually “running away from home”, but thought I was only coming for a holiday.
He was very happy to hear that I came, he got me to stay with them for free at the expensive 5-star hotel, and gave me the most expensive ticket in the VIP seats (about RM800)!

第一次参加流行演唱会，看着那坐的满满的室外体育馆，孙燕姿受欢迎的程度可想而知。。。顿时觉得自己很渺小，我到底是谁？谁会认识我？
我只不过是一颗尘土，天父没理由拣选我、使用我，而我还在这里逃离他的呼召。
虽然如此，这粒尘土却坐在最贵的贵宾席。
我感觉天父对我的重视和爱怜，虽然我逃跑，但我仍感觉他说：孩子，我还是爱你的。。。

It was my first pop concert experience ever, seeing the packed outdoor stadium, you could tell Stefanie is indeed very popular… Immediately I felt so tiny and insignificant, who am I? Who knows me? I am but dust, there is no reason why Father God should choose and use me, and here I am, running away from His calling.
Even so, this dust was now sitting in the  most expensive VIP seat.
I could feel how Father God treasured and loved me. Though I ran away, I felt Him saying: Child, I love you still…

 

孙爸爸坐我后面一两排（左一戴眼镜的）。。。
Stefanie’s father sat a row or two behind me (far left with glasses)…

 

演唱会一开始，我注意到孙爸爸那很满足的眼神看着他女儿表演。从他眼神，我知道在他心中，燕姿永远是最棒的；不管她歌唱得怎么样、舞跳得怎么样，孙爸爸的表情都是那么欣赏和喜悦他女儿，他那么的引她为荣！

可以感觉到他也会紧张燕姿表演会不会出差错等等，倘若真的出差错，我很肯定他会很心疼燕姿，而不是生气或觉得丢脸或急着要责备，他也一定会担心燕姿会不会受伤或难过。。。

那一刻，我感受到天父的心。。。我突然领悟他时常也是这样看着我。。。
天父的爱触摸了我，我的耻辱与罪恶感也消失了。

As soon as the concert started, I noticed Stef’s father’s very satisfied expression watching his daughter’s performance. From his eyes, I knew in his heart Stef will always be the best to him, it does not matter how well she sang or danced, the father’s expression was one of someone very appreciative of and delighted with his daughter, he was just so proud of her!

I could feel he was also concerned whether Stef would make any mistake during the performance etc, and if she did, I was sure he would feel so much for her and not get angry or feel ashamed or want to rebuke her instantly, he would also be concerned whether Stef would feel hurt or upset…

At that moment, I felt the heart of my Father God… I suddenly realized that He is also constantly looking at me in the same manner…
The love of my Father God touched me, my shame and guilt disappeared as well.

一个地上的父亲都能那么爱他的孩子，天父岂不更爱我？岂不更关心我、在乎我？
我因着压力而逃跑，我没做好我的本份，他没有生气我，也没有惩罚我，他反而还让我住五星级饭店，坐贵宾席看演唱会。。。

那一天，我发现天父那么了解我、在乎我，也非常体贴我的软弱、我的感受。。。
我逃到北京，逃离天父的呼召，却跑进我天父的怀抱。。。

Even an earthly father could love his child so much, would not my Father God love me more, care for me more, or be concerned for me more?
I ran away under pressure, I did not stay true to my calling, He was not angry with me, He did not punish me, instead He put me in a 5-star hotel, and gave me a VIP seat to watch a concert…

That day, I realized Father God really understands me and is very concerned for me, He also understands my weaknesses and feelings…
I escaped to Beijing, I escaped from the calling of Father God, I escaped but ran straight into the arms of my Father…