他痛苦的說：我不要死。。。 He said painfully: I don’t want to die…
都忘了是哪一年了，只记得那天下午我在教会排练圣诞节詩歌，电话响了。。。
另一端传来消息说他自杀了，问我能到医院吗？医生说沒救了，应该渡不过今晚。。。
我愣住了！脑海一片混乱！三天前不是还好好的吗？当时我不是才在办公室辅导他吗？怎么又去做傻事？
我无法马上抽身，只能晚上去看他，心中求主怜悯，彰显神迹让我还能见到他，跟他说话，或者让他神迹般活下去。。。
他，三十出头的单身汉，患有忧郁症，皆因以前迷信相信算命的妖言，苦等他“发财”的日子，结果一直没到，他崩溃了。
最初他来教会时，头发凌乱、衣物不整，身上还有一点难闻的味道。
看得出他愁绪万缕，也看得出他精神状况不好，更不需要猜就知道他一定没有朋友。
散会后上来被祷告时，我为他按手祷告，心中有感动给他一个拥抱，让他知道耶稣爱他，我也不拒绝他。。。
但。。。他的精神状态、样貌、还有身上的味道怎么办。。。？我还是顺服了心中的感动去抱他，而且以后为他祷告后，都会尽量抱他一下。
有一次他主动带着微笑跟我们说，以前别人是不可能看到他的笑容的；他开始对人生有一点盼望，虽然精神状况还在恢复当中。
家里不是每个人都信主，难免受不了他一个大好男人不去上班赚钱，所以时而会催逼他赶快去找工作。
他自杀前三天来见我就是说承受不了家里的压力了。
我继续鼓励他，也抓住他的手一起祷告，他也还能微笑跟我握手说谢谢。
我以为一切都正常了，可是突然间这消息。。。（待续）
I have forgotten which year it was, I can only remember I was practising some songs for Christmas that afternoon. The phone rang…
The other side conveyed me the news that he had committed suicide, they asked whether I could go to the hospital. The doctor said there was no hope and he would not survive through that night…
I was stunned! My mind was blank! Was he not alright just three days ago? Was I not counselling him then in my office? Why did he do this foolish thing again?
I could not leave immediately, I could only go at night. I prayed for God’s mercy that He would perform a miracle that I would still be able to see him and talk to him, or perhaps that he would live miraculously…
He was a single man of slightly more than thirty years old. He was suffering from depression, the result of superstitiously believing in some fortune-teller’s nonsense and waiting for the “day” he would strike gold but it never came and he had a breakdown.
When he first came to church, messy hair, shrivelled shirt, and some unpleasant body odour, you could tell he was full of worries, could also tell his mental condition was not so sound, and there was no need to guess that he had no friend.
After the service, he came up to be prayed for. I laid hand on him. There was a prompting in my heart to give him a hug to let him know Jesus loves him and that I do not reject him too… but… what with his not very sound mind, and appearance, and the smell…? Anyway, I obeyed my heart and gave him a hug and subsequently I would try my best to give him a hug each time after I had prayed for him.
Once, on his own initiative, with a smiling face he told us no one could ever see him smile before.
He began to have some hope for living though his mental condition was still in the process of getting better.
Not everyone at home was a Christian, inadvertently they could not stand a grown man not going out to work to earn some money.
So on and off they would push him to go look for a job.
Three days before he committed suicide he came to see me, telling me he could not handle the pressure from home.
I continued to encourage him and held his hand to pray with him. He could even shake my hand and smile and say thanks to me.
I thought everything would be alright, then suddenly the news came… ( To be continued…)