感到有些内疚。。。 Feeling kind of guilty…
这一两个月来，我都感到有些内疚。。。
This past one or two months, I’ve been feeling kind of guilty…
因为我一连续六个主日都没在自己教会讲道，这是我牧会十五年来不曾发生过的。。。
Because I haven’t been preaching in my own church for six consecutive Sundays, this has never happened in my fifteen years of pastoring…
只能怪自己编排节目与行程不周，当然也有一些事和情形是之前没预料到会发生的，也在我掌控之外。。。
I can only blame myself for my unsatisfactory planning of programme and schedule, but of course certain things and circumstances are beyond my expectation and control…
我不知道其他牧师会怎样想，可是我如果没有好好喂养上帝托付给我的羊群，我会很不舒服。。。
我不是属于常邀请外来讲员的牧师，除非是我熟悉和信任、或上帝有感动的。。。
I don’t know how the other pastors would think, but as for me, I would feel very uneasy if I don’t feed the sheep and lambs God has entrusted me with properly…
I’m not the type to always invite outside speakers unless I know and trust them well, or God convicts me to…
我当然有跟上帝认错。。。
感谢主，11月21日的主日恢复讲道了，起初还有点担心不太熟练了。。。哈哈。。。
Of course I did apologise to God…
Thank God, I resumed preaching again on Nov 21st, at first I was kind of worried I was out of touch… haha…
其实我也跟上帝说就当作是给我的“安息假”吧，哈哈！因为很多牧师牧养了七年过后就会拿什么六个月或一年的“安息假”，但我十五年来都没拿过。。。
我曾问过上帝这个，他说不必！（这么直接！）
说真的，我如果“学”别人这样拿“安息假”也会良心不安；毕竟嘛，怎能撇下孩子半载、一年不管，自己去休假？除非是上帝叫的。。。
Actually I did tell God too to regard it as my “Sabbatical break”, haha! Because many pastors after pastoring for seven years do have what they call “Sabbatical leave” of about half a year or one year, but I have never taken any for my 15 years of being a pastor…
I did ask God concerning this before, He said: No Need! (So direct!)
Honestly, I wouldn’t feel at peace too if I imitate others to take “sabbatical”, who would, for abandoning your children for such a long time while taking a break yourself? Unless God asks me to of course…
所以你们懂我为什么不会很早就答应外面的邀请了吧？我不要出现类似“父亲常不在家”的情形啊。。。
So now you know why I can’t accept outside invitations too early? I don’t want similar situation of “father-not-home” too often…
