部落格 Blog

我讨厌的事,但我不是完美主义。。。 Things I hate, but I am not a perfectionist…

 

其实我并不完美主义,很多人对我误解了。。。
我也有很乱、很不整齐的时候。。。
有些事我好讨厌但我又不去处理,因为我不是完美主义。。。

譬如说,出门回来,我通常会感觉很累,我会把行李丢在地上,迟迟不去整理。。。
有时候,因为出门次数频繁,就干脆留到下一次出门再整理。。。
但看着没清理的行李日而继夜的在地上,我真的很讨厌;然而我却又不采取行动,因为我不是完美主义。。。

Actually I am not a perfectionist, many have misunderstood me…
I also have moments when things are very messy and untidy…
There are things that I hate and yet I do not do anything about them because I am not a perfectionist…

For example, after coming back from a trip, I would normally feel very tired, I would leave my luggage on the floor and delayed a long time to unpack…
Sometimes because I travel quite a lot, I would just leave it till my next trip…
But I do really hate seeing the luggage on the floor day after day, and yet I would not do anything about it because I am not a perfectionist…

 

 

另外,我也很讨厌看到桌子堆满文具、文件啦。。。
怎么文件、信函好像永无止境般处理不完?刚收拾好一些,又一大堆出现!
什么该丢、什么该留,有时候真的很烦,很累人!
结果桌子越来越满,越来越凌乱,我却没整理,因为我不是完美主义。。。

Then, I also hate seeing my desk covered with stationery, documents etc…
How come documents and letters seem never ending? Just when you have cleared some, a new lot appears again!
What should be thrown away, what should be kept, that can really frustrate and exhaust you too!
As a result, your desk gets filled up more and becomes messier by the minute, and yet I do not do anything about it because I am not a perfectionist…

 

 

然后,我又有超多的CD,当然很多是自己买的,也有好多是人送的。。。
有时候自己会“错买”,买到不是很好听或很喜欢的;别人送的更是有这问题,因为有些人根本都不知道我的音乐品味,所以送了我从来不听的CD,我收也不是,丢也不是,给人也不是。。。结果就越堆积越多。。。
看起来好乱、好累人,可是我又不整理,因为我不是完美主义。。。

Then, I really have many CDs, of course many I bought myself and a lot were given by others too…
Sometimes I could “wrongly” buy CDs that are not so nice or ones that I do not really like; those given by others are even more so because some people do not know my musical taste at all, so they gave me CDs that I would never listen to, and I do not know whether to keep, to throw or to give away… in the end I collected more and more…
They look really messy and frustrating and yet I do not tidy them up, because I am not a perfectionist…

 

 

很多时候看累了,就选择逃避,把橱子的门关起来。。。
或者把文件丢进抽屉里面。。。
或者把行李推进衣橱里面。。。
避而不见,这样比较快乐。。。还能忍受,因为我不是完美主义。。。

Many times when I get tired of seeing them, I would choose to escape, I would shut the cupboard door…
Or throw all the documents into my drawer…
Or push my luggage into my wardrobe…
I avoid seeing them, life is happier that way… I can still stand because I am not a perfectionist…

 

 

话虽如此,有时候我却睡不着觉了。。。
有时候也会感到挫折沮丧。。。
想着还没解决的事情,橱子表面美观,里头却很凌乱!
问题存在就是要处理,逃避归逃避,最后还是要整理。。。
而且,我想,我还是有一点完美主义吧。。。

Having said all that, sometimes I cannot sleep…
Sometimes I can feel defeated and depressed…
Thinking about my unsettled issues, the cabinet looks nice on the outside, but what a mess inside!
Whenever a problem exists, it has to be dealt with, you can ignore and escape, ultimately you still have to tidy it…
And also I think, perhaps I might just be a little perfectionist…

 

 

 

美丽成功的生命。。。 Beautiful and successful life…

我想一个美丽又成功的生命就是在活着的时候带给人欢乐和鼓励,离开时依然让人心得安慰和欢乐。。。
颜妈妈让我有这个感想,她。。。昨天离开这世界回天家去了。。。

I think a beautiful and successful life is one that gives people joy and encouragement while alive, and similarly continues to bring people comfort and joy when leaving the world…
Aunty Gan gave me this thought, she… left this world to go to heaven yesterday…

 

颜妈妈几个月前被发现癌症末期,她从不惊惶或抱怨,对上帝依然充满感恩,还常鼓励弟兄姐妹要爱主、信靠主。。。辛苦或疼痛时,她就祷告主,疼痛就会消失。若有力气起来或撑得住,她一定跟先生颜爸爸来教会敬拜主,也参加乐龄小组聚会。很鼓励的,去年11月28日的教会家庭欢乐日,他们与大家一样凌晨六点都已到达运动场等候。。。

Few months ago Aunty Gan was found to have contracted final stage cancer but she was never panicky or complaining, she continued to be thankful to God, and always encouraged brothers and sisters to love and trust in God… When she was feeling some discomfort or pain, she would pray and the pain would disappear. If she had the strength to get up or sustain, she would come to church to worship with Uncle Gan, and would join the house group for the elderly too. Something very encouraging, on November 28th last year, they arrived at the sports stadium to wait as early as 6am together with everyone else…

 

其实昨天我本计划好要去探望颜妈妈,可是又开会又赶工什么的,拖延到没时间过去。。。哪知在傍晚时分,就收到她去世的消息!我心痛如刀割,当然也非常自责。。。心里一直怪自己为什么不够敏锐,为什么不能多摆上时间一点。。。开车去她家的时候,心里很是难过。

一抵达她家的时候,她女儿的一番话就已鼓励了我。我告诉她我很内疚今天没来探望,她说不要难过,妈妈一直都告诉她说她知道牧师很爱她。。。多体贴的一位老人家!我那么少探望她,她却没抱怨,说了解我忙,也一直告诉她女儿说她知道牧师很疼爱她。

当我瞻仰她遗容时,她是那么的安详美丽,我知道她是快乐的,我知道她已经到了天堂,我心得了很大安慰。。。
颜妈妈,活着的时候鼓励我,离开时依然鼓励我。。。

上帝啊,谢谢祢在我事奉道路上给我这么好的长辈祝福我。

Actually I planned to visit Aunty Gan yesterday, but I was caught up by meeting and work, and was delayed till I did not have time to go over… Then at evening time I received news that she had passed away! I felt my heart pierced like a knife and of course felt very remorseful… I kept blaming myself inside as to why I was not sensitive enough, why could I not offer up more of my time…. I was feeling very sad as I was driving to her house.

Upon reaching her house, her daughter’s words encouraged me immediately. I told her I regretted not coming to visit today, she asked me not to feel bad as her mother had been telling her that she knew the pastor loves her a lot… Such an considerate elder! I very seldom visited her and yet she did not complain and she said she understood I was busy, and kept telling her daughter she knew that the pastor loves her dearly…

When I looked at her face, she was so at peace and beautiful, I know she is happy, I know she is now in heaven, my heart is greatly comforted…
Aunty Gan, encouraged me when she was alive and encouraged me still when she left…

O God, thank You for giving me such a kind elder to bless me in this journey of serving You.

感谢主让我在上个月大年初一有机会拜访颜妈妈,与和她一起合照。。。
下面的是颜爸爸,他也是一个极其谦卑、忠心和非常鼓励我的长辈。。。

Thank God for giving me the opportunity to visit Aunty Gan and had a photograph taken with her on the first day of Chinese New Year last month…
Below is Uncle Gan, who is also a very humble, faithful and encouraging elder to me…

正当我感觉失落时。。。 Just when I was feeling down…

 

有时候,所仰望的、所相信的、所期盼的,看不到也感觉不到。。。
有时候,心情会低落、会难过。。。
有时候会问主为什么,或在什么时候。。。

Sometimes we do not see or feel the things we hope for, or believe, or expect…
Sometimes we would feel down and upset…
Sometimes we would ask God why, or when…

 

那天,我感到失落。。。其实,何止是那天。。。
去年底禁食时候的一些兴奋、期待,仿佛消失的无踪影。。。
多希望他跟我说一两句话,给我一点鼓励。。。

That day I felt down… in fact, not only that day…
Some of the excitements, expectations during the 40-day fast end of last year seem to have disappeared…
How I hoped He would say speak a word or two to me, to encourage me…

 

这种时刻,我常在心里默默祷告,偶尔也会个人呐喊。。。
然后就会想读读圣经,有时候真的提不起劲。
坐在桌子旁,看着我的圣经。。。
随手翻开我极少注意的撒迦利亚书,很莫名的开始读第九章。。。

In moment like this, I often pray silently in my heart, occasionally I would scream alone too..
Then I would think of reading the Bible, but sometimes really feel not very motivated.
I sat by the table looking at my Bible…
I flipped through the pages randomly and landed my eyes on the book of Zechariah that I seldom pay much attention to, and began to read Chapter 9 haphazardly…

 

读到第九节时,有一些感动回来了。。。感觉上帝再提醒我,鼓励我!
因为经文就是我去年底40天禁食第一天,上帝给我的诗歌“欢迎祢来”的核心经文!
当时写这首歌时,主要是看新约里提到的同一经文,根本没去查看旧约经文出处。。。今天正当我感觉失落时,竟然让我“莫名”再看到经文,印证上帝所说的,他真的要来。。。

When I arrived at verse 9, some prompting returned to my heart… I felt God was reminding and encouraging me again!
Because the verse is the central verse of the song “I Welcome You In” God gave me on the first day of our 40-day fast end of last year!
When I was writing this song then, I was looking at the same verse mentioned in the New Testament, I did not go and search as to where it came from in the Old Testament… and today just when I was feeling down, I “inexplicably” stumbled upon this verse again, confirming what God told me, that indeed He is coming to us…

 

“锡 安 的 民 哪 , 应 当 大 大 喜 乐 。 耶 路 撒 冷 的 民 哪 , 应 当 欢 呼 。 看 哪 , 你 的 王 来 到 你 这 里 。 他 是 公 义 的 , 并 且 施 行 拯 救 , 谦 谦 和 和 地 骑 着 驴 , 就 是 骑 着 驴 的 驹 子 。”
~撒迦利亚9:9~

神啊,谢谢祢!
我还在相信。。。我还在等。。。

“Rejoice greatly, Daughter Zion! Shout, Daughter Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and victorious,
lowly and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.”
~ Zechariah 9:9 ~

O Lord, thank You!
I am still believing… and I am still waiting…