Day 36: 禁食日记 / Fasting Diary （他带着微笑走了 / He Left With A Smile)
第三十六天：11月7日(一)
早上参加邵遵澜牧师约翰福音的教导，下午1:30我主持国双的丧礼。
很安慰，看到躺在棺木里的他是“含着微笑睡去”，真的很好看；就连他还没信主的阿姨都说“很美”。。。
国双母亲一直很不舍的说“让我再看他最后一眼，让我再看他最后一眼。。。”，我告诉妈妈说你要记得他的笑容，就记得他的笑容。
那么安详含着笑容睡去，你知道他很平安，知道他一定是去到一个很安详、很美丽的地方；看到的人都会很安慰，妈妈的心情也平复了许多，这是我很安慰的。
在丧礼时我分享我家的见证，说多年前我弟弟未满九岁时就离开这世界，他小小年纪都已懂得信耶稣，只是当时爸妈还没信主。我曾经问过妈妈为什么会在弟弟去世后信主？她说其中一个原因是，她看到他躺在棺木里的脸孔，好像一个天使，含着笑容睡着了。所以，我妈妈就相信弟弟信的耶稣一定是很好、很平安的上帝，一定是带他去很美丽的地方。。。
有一些人误会我昨天的分享，以为我深陷沮丧、灰心、挫折，其实不然，我只是与哀哭的人同哀哭，感受人突然离开的难过和沉重。我对神绝对没有怀疑或动摇，况且我很羡慕国双离开时的属灵生命，和他跟主的关系。他最后的日子也学习我们禁食祷告，甚至晨祷都出席！我记得他最后一次的晨祷的时候，我在台上还看着他祷告，心想他的灵命最近真的是突飞猛进。。。然后他最后的时刻，因病了没办法来教会，还在家里躺在沙发上开电脑，陪妈妈一起看聚会现场直播，从家里跟我们一起赞美敬拜，听道时还会笑，就在那时刻呼吸他的最后一口气。。。没有痛苦、没有挣扎，在神的同在里，有最爱的妈妈在身边，这样子回天家。。。
如果我们都能类似这样子回天家，真是何等蒙福的一件事。。。
提后4:6
“我现在被浇奠，我离世的时候到了。那美好的仗我已经打过了；当跑的路我已经跑尽了；所信的道我已经守住了。”
～ 提后 4:6-7 ～
Day 36 : Nov 7th (Mon)
Attended Rev James Shao’s seminar on the book of John in the morning, I conducted Shuang’s funeral at 1:30pm.
Very comforted seeing him “sleeping with a smile” on his face in the casket, he looked good; even his aunty who is not a Christian yet said he was “beautiful”…
Shuang’s mother repeatedly said “Let me have a last look at him, let me have a last look at him…”, I told the mother to remember his smile, just to remember his smile.
So at peace, sleeping with a smile, you know he was really at rest, and you know he has gone to a very peaceful and beautiful place. Whoever saw his last look would be comforted, the mother has calmed down a lot too, this is very reassuring to me.
During the funeral, I shared my family’s testimony. I told them how many years ago my youngest brother who was not even nine left this world. He already believed in Jesus though still a kid, my parents were not Christians then. I once asked my mother why she would believe in Jesus after my brother passed away. She said one of the reasons was she saw in that tiny casket, the face of an angel sleeping with a smile on his face. Therefore, my mother believed that the Jesus my brother trusted in must be a very good peaceful God, and that Jesus must have brought him to a very beautiful place…
Some people misunderstood my sharing yesterday, thinking that I was very depressed, discouraged and feeling defeated. No, you have mistaken, I was only weeping with those who wept, feeling the sadness and heaviness of the sudden departure of someone. I certainly did not doubt God over this. Furthermore, I feel kind of envious of Shuang’s spiritual life and relationship with God at the time of his departure. He learnt to fast and pray with us during his last days, and even attended the early morning prayer sessions! I remember during his final morning prayer, I was watching him from the pulpit, thinking to myself that this guy’s spiritual life had advanced so much recently… Then in his final moment, as he could not make it to church because of illness, he was still lying on the couch at home, turning on the computer to watch our live broadcast with the mother. They joined in the praise and worship, laughed even when we joked in the midst of the sermon, and it was at that time that he breathed his last… no suffering, no struggling, in the presence of God, with the mother he loved so much beside him, he went back to be with the Lord…
If we could all go back to be with the Lord in similar situation, would not that be such a blessed thing?
“For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
~ 1 Tim 4:6-7 ~