April 1, 2014

人的品味就是很奇怪，有些东西你很喜欢，别人就不喜欢；有些你不喜欢，别人偏偏又很喜欢。这些可以是服装、音乐、图画、食物。。。什么都可以！我想这样也好，很公平，就是说每样东西都有人欣赏。

People’s tastes are just so strange, certain things you may like so much but others just do not, and there are things that you just do not like while others do. It can be fashion, music, art, food… or just anything! Guess this is good for in this way everything can find someone who admires it.

其实，对自己，我们也有我们喜欢的某部分或某方面，也有我们很不喜欢的部分，所以才会感觉有时候很喜欢自己，有时候也会很讨厌自己！人就是这样矛盾，这样复杂和这样麻烦。

In fact, with regard ourselves, there are areas that we like and parts that we do not like about ourselves too. That is why sometimes we seem to love ourselves a lot and at times we seem to hate ourselves! Such is the irony of a human being, very complicated and troublesome.

就比如我本身，拍了很多照片，有些是同地点和时间拍的，但就有一些我超喜欢，和一些我都不想再看一次的。这里放的一些照片就我很喜欢的，那一次旅行拍的也不见得我全部都喜欢。原因到底是什么？服装？姿势？角度？摄影技术，还是什么？

For example myself, I have taken so many photos, some were taken at the same place and time and yet there would be some that I really like and some that I do not even want to have a second look. The photos in this post are those that I really like, but there are also those taken during the same trip which I do not like at all. What is the reason? The clothes I wore? The pose? The angle? Photographing skill? Or what?

总之，事实是，我们之所以会喜欢自己的一些照片也只有一个原因，就是觉得自己在照片里拍得很好看或顺眼；有时别人不认为我们也不管，自己喜欢就好，哈哈！其实会欣赏自己总好过看不起自己，你说是吧？

All things said, the truth is, there is only one reason why we like some of our own photos, that is we think we look really nice or pleasant in those photos. Sometimes we would not even care if others think the same, as long as we like them ourselves, haha! Actually, to be able to admire ourselves is any time better than despising ourselves, do you not think so?

有些照片很好看或顺眼，不管是由于角度或摄影技术等等，也只说明了一件事，即：从某个角度或眼光来看，我们都会有好看的时候。原来我们都有优点，我们都有价值，都能够被人欣赏。如果人能永远就用那角度或眼光来看我们，就会一直很欣赏和看我们很顺眼，那不知有多好。。。可是事实并不如此，人反而很常用严厉、无情和批判性眼光互相看待，所以世界才会有那么多的冲突与伤害。

Some photographs are very nice or pleasant, whether due to angles or photographing skills, can only reveal one thing, that is: from a certain angle or perspective, we all have moments when we look good. We all actually do have our good points, we all have some values and can be admired by people. If only people can always look at us from that angle or perspective, then they would always admire or see us as pleasant, that would be so good… However, that is not the truth, people instead often use very stringent, cold and critical eyes to view each other, that is why this world is full of conflicts and hurts.

但让我们最安慰的是，天父始终都会用慈爱的眼光看我们，始终看我们都是祂宝贝可爱的孩子。如果我们心里面也有越多天父的爱，我们也会用天父的眼光，如此充满慈爱怜悯的彼此看待了。

But the most comforting is, our Heavenly Father will always look at us with eyes of loving-kindness, we will always be precious and adorable children in His eyes. If our hearts have more of our Father’s love, we would also have the Father’s eyes and would look at each other with loving-kindness and mercy as well.

February 16, 2012

我想一个美丽又成功的生命就是在活着的时候带给人欢乐和鼓励，离开时依然让人心得安慰和欢乐。。。
颜妈妈让我有这个感想，她。。。昨天离开这世界回天家去了。。。

I think a beautiful and successful life is one that gives people joy and encouragement while alive, and similarly continues to bring people comfort and joy when leaving the world…
Aunty Gan gave me this thought, she… left this world to go to heaven yesterday…

 

颜妈妈几个月前被发现癌症末期，她从不惊惶或抱怨，对上帝依然充满感恩，还常鼓励弟兄姐妹要爱主、信靠主。。。辛苦或疼痛时，她就祷告主，疼痛就会消失。若有力气起来或撑得住，她一定跟先生颜爸爸来教会敬拜主，也参加乐龄小组聚会。很鼓励的，去年11月28日的教会家庭欢乐日，他们与大家一样凌晨六点都已到达运动场等候。。。

Few months ago Aunty Gan was found to have contracted final stage cancer but she was never panicky or complaining, she continued to be thankful to God, and always encouraged brothers and sisters to love and trust in God… When she was feeling some discomfort or pain, she would pray and the pain would disappear. If she had the strength to get up or sustain, she would come to church to worship with Uncle Gan, and would join the house group for the elderly too. Something very encouraging, on November 28th last year, they arrived at the sports stadium to wait as early as 6am together with everyone else…

 

其实昨天我本计划好要去探望颜妈妈，可是又开会又赶工什么的，拖延到没时间过去。。。哪知在傍晚时分，就收到她去世的消息！我心痛如刀割，当然也非常自责。。。心里一直怪自己为什么不够敏锐，为什么不能多摆上时间一点。。。开车去她家的时候，心里很是难过。

一抵达她家的时候，她女儿的一番话就已鼓励了我。我告诉她我很内疚今天没来探望，她说不要难过，妈妈一直都告诉她说她知道牧师很爱她。。。多体贴的一位老人家！我那么少探望她，她却没抱怨，说了解我忙，也一直告诉她女儿说她知道牧师很疼爱她。

当我瞻仰她遗容时，她是那么的安详美丽，我知道她是快乐的，我知道她已经到了天堂，我心得了很大安慰。。。
颜妈妈，活着的时候鼓励我，离开时依然鼓励我。。。

上帝啊，谢谢祢在我事奉道路上给我这么好的长辈祝福我。

Actually I planned to visit Aunty Gan yesterday, but I was caught up by meeting and work, and was delayed till I did not have time to go over… Then at evening time I received news that she had passed away! I felt my heart pierced like a knife and of course felt very remorseful… I kept blaming myself inside as to why I was not sensitive enough, why could I not offer up more of my time…. I was feeling very sad as I was driving to her house.

Upon reaching her house, her daughter’s words encouraged me immediately. I told her I regretted not coming to visit today, she asked me not to feel bad as her mother had been telling her that she knew the pastor loves her a lot… Such an considerate elder! I very seldom visited her and yet she did not complain and she said she understood I was busy, and kept telling her daughter she knew that the pastor loves her dearly…

When I looked at her face, she was so at peace and beautiful, I know she is happy, I know she is now in heaven, my heart is greatly comforted…
Aunty Gan, encouraged me when she was alive and encouraged me still when she left…

O God, thank You for giving me such a kind elder to bless me in this journey of serving You.

感谢主让我在上个月大年初一有机会拜访颜妈妈，与和她一起合照。。。
下面的是颜爸爸，他也是一个极其谦卑、忠心和非常鼓励我的长辈。。。

Thank God for giving me the opportunity to visit Aunty Gan and had a photograph taken with her on the first day of Chinese New Year last month…
Below is Uncle Gan, who is also a very humble, faithful and encouraging elder to me…

October 4, 2011

 

写了一篇“昨夜又梦见了你”，导致好一些人很好奇这个“你”到底是谁。。。
好奇还没关系，只要不要自以为那个“你”是自己就好了，哈哈！
今天就来给你揭开这个谜。。。

Wrote the article “I dreamt of you again last night” and caused some to be very curious who that “you” is…
It is still alright to be curious as long as you do not start thinking that “you” is yourself, haha!
Today, I shall reveal the answer to you…

 

其实有一些人还挺厉害的，一猜就中！大概是看习惯了我写作的模式而开始抓得到我的思路吧。。。？
看来我需要寻找别的方式来吊人胃口了。。。

嗯。。。我所讲的“你”其实就是我童年长大的老家！

Actually some people are quite sharp, they guessed right immediately! Perhaps they are by now used to my style of writing, so can kind of capture my trend of thought…?
Looks like I have to seek for new methods to keep people in suspense now…

Hmm… the “you” I was referring to is really my childhood home which I grew up in!

 

虽然十三岁我就离开父母及老家，出来古晋求学，可是每当午夜梦回时，我梦见的依然是我这童年简陋的老木屋。。。
很多童年情景还会出现在梦里，爸爸还健在，妈妈还年轻。。。醒来时，总有一丝丝伤感。。。

Though I left my parents and my old home when I was thirteen to come out to study in Kuching, each time if I dreamt of my past, it would always be my childhood’s old wooden house…
Scenes of my childhood would reappear, dad still around, mum still young… and when I wake up, there is always this tinge of sadness…

 

我们家境比较贫穷，下雨天屋顶会漏水，家中没有厕所。。。
下面那一张就是我们的客厅，是华人新年装饰的最漂亮的时候；照片中的我是1998年从纽西兰回来过年的时候拍的。。。

We were quite poor, the roof would leak when it rained, and there was no toilet in the house…
The photo below shows our lounge in its best, decorated for Chinese New Year. That was me in 1998 coming home for Chinese New Year from New Zealand…

 

我纽西兰好友Jamie跟我一起回来过年，二哥背后的小门通往厨房和饭厅（看下图）。。。
我背后的墙就是我们一群孩子共用的房间，我很想念，很想念这个家。。。写着这文章时，眼角也有泪水。。。

My New Zealand good friend, Jamie came celebrate Chinese new Year with me, the door behind my 2nd brother leads to the kitchen and dining (see below)…
The wall behind me is the room that all of us, the kids shared. I really, really miss this house… even as I write this, there are tears in the corner of my eyes…

 

我大哥两个女儿，美清和美声。。。
看吧，我们连像样的窗都没有，我就是在这饭桌吃饭长大。。。有些人还以为我是富贵公子出身！
我非常遗憾没有拍到更多老家的照片。。。

My eldest brother’s daughters, Flora and Melody…
See, we did not even have proper windows, and that was the dining table where I had my meals and grew up with… and some people thought I came from a rich background!
I really regret not taking more pictures of my old house…

 

 

婴孩是大哥小儿子。
你隐约可看到厨房的屋顶，右边是爸妈的小房间，我们家就只两个房间。
看了照片，你大概就会体会我所写的这句：
“虽然表面上你并不美丽
却留给我许多美丽的回忆
没有你也不会有今天的自己”

The baby is my eldest brother’s youngest son.
You can vaguely see the kitchen roof here, to the right is my parents’ room, there were only two rooms in my house.
After seeing these pictures, you can perhaps appreciate my writing this:
“Though you do not possess outward beauty
You leave with me such beautiful memories
Without you I will not be who I am today”

 

 

多少梦里，我依然在这小路奔跑
多少夜里，这条小路引我回家。。。
后面被树叶遮盖的是我家的屋顶。

In so many dreams, I was still running on this small road
And in so many nights, this small road led me home…
You can see the roof of my house hidden among the trees.

 

我爱我的家，因为在这家里我找到爱。。。
它让我明白有爱可以不计较环境
它让我体会有爱就会有最美的回忆

I love my house because I found love there…
It taught me that with love the environment is not an issue
It made me realize where there is love, there will always be beautiful memories

July 13, 2011

卧室应该是每个人最隐私的地方吧？那你的卧室里又隐藏了什么秘密呢？又或你喜欢自己的卧室吗？为什么？
今天就来跟你分享卧室的秘密。。。那当然是我自己的房间啦，自己的“秘密”当然自己有权“泄露”，但别人的秘密，除非他们允许或不介意，要不然我们可不该随便透露哦！

Bedrooms must be the most private place for every individual. Are there any secrets hidden in your bedroom? Or do you like your bedroom at all? Why?
Today I am going to share some bedroom secrets with you… that of course is my own bedroom, anyone has the right to reveal his own “secrets”, but as for other people’s secrets, unless they allow it or they do not mind, otherwise we must not simply reveal!

 

我想每个人都会想拥有自己的卧室或房间吧？但不是每个人都有那个福分的，尤其是家庭成员多，又住在有限的空间里。。。
所以倘或你现在拥有自己的房间，就好好珍惜、感恩，以及善于使用吧。。。

从一个人的卧室大概可以看出一个人的个性、兴趣、习惯啦，等等。。。
房间的摆设、整齐、脏乱、收藏的东西等等，都可透露你的秘密。
若在没预警之下，有人要参观你的卧室，你会许可吗？当然基于很私人，或有贵重物件，或怕人弄脏等等，我们大可拒绝；但有些人不敢给人看房间的原因是因为太凌乱、肮脏、懒惰整理、或会破坏形象等等。。。若是如此，那就要自我检讨了！

I believe everyoe would love to have his own bedroom but not everyone is blessed with such, especially when you have a big family and live in places where space is limited…
So if right now  you do have your own room, you had better treasure it and be thankful and make the best use of it…

From a person’s bedroom you can kind of figure out his personality, interests, habits etc…
The decoration, tidiness, cleanliness, things collected etc could reveal your secrets.
If without prior notice someone wants to visit your bedroom, would you allow? Of course we can rightfully refuse for privacy reason, or there are valuables or for hygiene, etc; but dome people do not dare to show people their room because it is too messy, dirty, or they are too lazy to tidy their room or for fear of spoiling their reputation… if so, then we would have to examine ourselves!

 

至于我，我一向来都蛮为自己的卧室感自豪，不是如今罢了。。。我想因为我有整理床铺的习惯，也喜欢装饰房间的原因吧？
以前在纽西兰求学，朋友来访时也多数在自己房间聊天，因为客厅不是个人使用。
在纽西兰，我们都穿鞋子到房间里，起初很不习惯，久了也不觉得脏了！

As for me, all along I am quite proud of my own bedroom, not just now… Perhaps it is because I have the habit to make my my bed and I have always liked to decorate my room?
When I was studying in New Zealand, when friends visited, we mostly used the bedroom to chit chat too because the lounge was not for personal use.
In New Zealand we wore the shoes to the room, initially I was not used to that but after a while I did not feel it was that dirty afterall!

 

我喜欢把床放在窗门边，喜欢阳光照射进来的感觉，尤其是那边天气寒冷。。。
这是我最后一年，回国之前的房间，确实充满回忆。。。

I liked to put my bed next to the window, liked the feeling of the sun shining in especially when the climate there was cold…
This was my room in my final year before I came back to Malaysia…

 

当时喜欢粘东西在墙壁上当装饰，好像有点“超过”，哈哈！
芦苇是外面采回来的。。。
有没有注意到墙壁上的书法？那是爸爸在我出国前亲手写给我的勉励的话，那是不善于表达感情的他向我表达他的爱和关心，至今我还收藏着。。。

Used to like to stick things on the wall as decoration, kind fo a bit over-decorated, haha!
The reeds were cut from outside…
Did you notice the Chinese caligraphy on the wall? Those were written by my dad personally and given to me before I came to New Zealand to study, that was my non-expressive dad’s way of expressing his love for me, I kept the writings till this day…

 

墙上的装饰也会改变，因为久了也会腻。
以前很喜欢中国画，不说你不知，我的很多中国画是古晋Akimedia的董事之一Mr. Ng画的，他是我就读古晋市镇中学时最好的朋友。。。

The decor on the wall would change too, otherwise would be too boring after a while…
I used to like Chinese paintings a lot. You would never know if I do not say it, almost all my Chinese paintings were the work of one of the directors of Akimedia in Kuching, Mr. Ng. He was my best friend when I was studying at Kuching Town Secondary School…

 

我其中最快乐的时刻就是能在房间里自弹自唱，我可是一发不可收拾，一唱就可以唱几个小时，自己乐在其中，完全不理会隔壁房的是否已被折磨到吐血。。。
One of my happiest moments would be to play the guitar and sing by myself in my room. It would be hard to stop once I started and I could indulge myself for hours without considering whether my neighbour was already vomitting blood by such torture…

 

这是我在纽西兰第一间自己的房间，那时大学一年级。。。
你看那个发型。。。

This is my first personal bedroom in New Zealand, that was also my first year at university…
Look at that hairstyle…

 

在这里住几年，我选择最小的房间因为这样冬天比较不冷，我没钱买好的热气机。
后来房东也有改善房子。
我也是在这房间里写出我第一首和早期的创作，墙壁的中国画就是Mr. Ng画的，他真的很有才华！

I lived there for quite a few years, I chose the smallest room so it was not that cold in winter and I could not afford a good heater.
The landlord did improve on the house too later.
This was the room where I wrote my first and earliest songs. The Chinese paintings on the wall are all the work of Mr. Ng, he is really talented!

 

如今我的房间当然非常不一样了，我当然也非常喜欢，感谢上帝的赐福和恩典。。。
这就是我卧室的一点“小秘密”，对不起没什么惊天动地，你们很失望吧？哈哈。。。

Today my bedroom is of course very different and of course I love it very much, thank God for His blessing and grace…
These are some “little secrets” of my bedroom, sorry nothing very dramatic and shocking, guess you are very disappointed? Haha…

 

 

 

June 23, 2011

我到医院了解状况，医生说因为他喝了杀虫剂，他的喉咙、气管和胃都烧坏了，不能再吃和喝东西，情况很糟糕，应该过不了今晚。
我走到他床边，他看到我，他很清醒，还能说话。我握住他的手，我说为什么要这样做？
他很激动的看着我，眼泪在眼眶打转，说：牧师，对不起，我不要死，我現在真的不要死了。。。耶稣会原谅我吗？

我为他祷告，求主赦免和怜悯，也求主彰显神迹。我午夜十一点左右离开，那时他还不能吃东西，本以为他那晚就会去世的。。。

神迹发生了！第二天早上医院传过来的消息说，他精神很好，而且竟然能够正常的吃和喝！但X光明明显示那是不可能的，因为喉咙、食道、一直到胃等等，真的都烧坏了！
我都很怀疑医生的诊断或有没有看错，医生却还是很肯定，只是没办法解释这现象。。。
他继续正常几天，我开始相信他会活下来。

第四天，院方来消息说。。。
他死了。
我很震惊！

据说，第三天下午他把母亲叫来医院，求母亲原谅，说他不是一个好儿子，没好好照顾及供应给母亲。
然后，听隔壁床的说，他那天晚上就一直轻轻的唱诗歌到凌晨，然后就很安静了。
隔壁的以为他因为累而睡着了，哪知护士来检查时，他已安然去世，没有痛苦、没有挣扎。。。
自己轻轻赞美敬拜主而离开这个世界，我想这是主给他的怜悯吧？我也相信是主亲自来把他接回天家了。

在丧礼的那一天，他母亲特别走过来告诉我他儿子说，虽然他很没用，但是这世界还有一个人爱他。他告诉他母亲说牧师爱他，每次都会抱他一下。。。
想到这里，我感到惭愧，这么容易的一个举动，有时候我都不太愿意给，可是这个小举动 却让他感受到世界还有人爱他。
然而，我也感恩我有顺服神在我心中的感动。。。

主啊，让我的心永远不要刚硬，让我时刻能体会你的心，而会甘心顺服你旨意。。。

I went to the hospital to understand the situation. The doctor said because he drank pesticide, his throat, trachea and stomach were all burnt and damaged, so he could not eat or drink anything anymore. The condition was very severe, the doctor predict he could not survive through that night.

I walked towards his bed. He looked at me, he was very alert and could still speak. I held his hand and asked why he did that.
He looked at me with much emotion, tears circling his eyes and said, “Pastor, I’m sorry, I don’t want to die, I really don’t want to die now… Will Jesus forgive me?”

I prayed for him, for the Lord to forgive and have mercy on him, and also for God to manifest His miracle. I left at about eleven midnight, at that time he still could not eat anything. I thought he would pass away that night…

Miracle happened! News from the hospital the next morning said he was very alert mentally, and he could even eat and drink normally! But the X-ray report clearly stated that was not possible because his throat etc all the way to the stomach were all damaged! I really doubted the doctor’s conclusion or examination, the doctor was still very adamant though could not explain the phenomenon… He continued to be normal for the next few days. I began to believe that he was going to survive.

On the fourth day, report from the hospital…
He died.
I was very shocked!

I heard, in the afternoon on the third day, he called his mother to his side. He asked for forgiveness from his mother saying he was not a good son, that he did not take good care of and provide for her. Then, according to the patient next to his bed, that night he was singing songs of praise softly and continuosly till dawn, and he became very quiet.
His neighbour thought he must have grown tired and fell asleep, but when the nurse came around to check, he had passed away peacefully, no pain, no struggle…
Singing softly to the Lord till he left this world, guess that was God’s mercy for him? And I also believe it was the Lord Himself who came to bring him home.

On the day of the funeral, his mother came over specially to me and told me her son said, though he was useless, there was still someone who loved him in this world. He told his mother that his pastor loved him and would hug him everytime…
I felt ashamed as I think about this, such an easy act and sometimes I would be so unwilling to give. And yet this little act caused him to feel there was still someone who loved him in this world.
However, I did thank God I obeyed His prompting in my heart.

O Lord, may my heart never grow hard, may I feel Your heart every moment and willingly obey Your desire…

 

 

 

June 22, 2011

 

都忘了是哪一年了，只记得那天下午我在教会排练圣诞节詩歌，电话响了。。。

另一端传来消息说他自杀了，问我能到医院吗？医生说沒救了，应该渡不过今晚。。。
我愣住了！脑海一片混乱！三天前不是还好好的吗？当时我不是才在办公室辅导他吗？怎么又去做傻事？

我无法马上抽身，只能晚上去看他，心中求主怜悯，彰显神迹让我还能见到他，跟他说话，或者让他神迹般活下去。。。

他，三十出头的单身汉，患有忧郁症，皆因以前迷信相信算命的妖言，苦等他“发财”的日子，结果一直没到，他崩溃了。

最初他来教会时，头发凌乱、衣物不整，身上还有一点难闻的味道。
看得出他愁绪万缕，也看得出他精神状况不好，更不需要猜就知道他一定没有朋友。

散会后上来被祷告时，我为他按手祷告，心中有感动给他一个拥抱，让他知道耶稣爱他，我也不拒绝他。。。
但。。。他的精神状态、样貌、还有身上的味道怎么办。。。？我还是顺服了心中的感动去抱他，而且以后为他祷告后，都会尽量抱他一下。

有一次他主动带着微笑跟我们说，以前别人是不可能看到他的笑容的；他开始对人生有一点盼望，虽然精神状况还在恢复当中。

家里不是每个人都信主，难免受不了他一个大好男人不去上班赚钱，所以时而会催逼他赶快去找工作。

他自杀前三天来见我就是说承受不了家里的压力了。
我继续鼓励他，也抓住他的手一起祷告，他也还能微笑跟我握手说谢谢。
我以为一切都正常了，可是突然间这消息。。。（待续）

I have forgotten which year it was, I can only remember I was practising some songs for Christmas that afternoon. The phone rang…

The other side conveyed me the news that he had committed suicide, they asked whether I could go to the hospital. The doctor said there was no hope and he would not survive through that night…
I was stunned! My mind was blank! Was he not alright just three days ago? Was I not counselling him then in my office? Why did he do this foolish thing again?

I could not leave immediately, I could only go at night. I prayed for God’s mercy that He would perform a miracle that I would still be able to see him and talk to him, or perhaps that he would live miraculously…

He was a single man of slightly more than thirty years old. He was suffering from depression, the result of superstitiously believing in some fortune-teller’s nonsense and waiting for the “day” he would strike gold but it never came and he had a breakdown.

When he first came to church, messy hair, shrivelled shirt, and some unpleasant body odour, you could tell he was full of worries, could also tell his mental condition was not so sound, and there was no need to guess that he had no friend.

After the service, he came up to be prayed for. I laid hand on him. There was a prompting in my heart to give him a hug to let him know Jesus loves him and that I do not reject him too… but… what with his not very sound mind, and appearance, and the smell…? Anyway, I obeyed my heart and gave him a hug and subsequently I would try my best to give him a hug each time after I had prayed for him.

Once, on his own initiative, with a smiling face he told us no one could ever see him smile before.
He began to have some hope for living though his mental condition was still in the process of getting better.

Not everyone at home was a Christian, inadvertently they could not stand a grown man not going out to work to earn some money.
So on and off they would push him to go look for a job.

Three days before he committed suicide he came to see me, telling me he could not handle the pressure from home.
I continued to encourage him and held his hand to pray with him. He could even shake my hand and smile and say thanks to me.
I thought everything would be alright, then suddenly the news came… ( To be continued…)

 

 

 

 

June 9, 2011

 

他时常嘻嘻哈哈，很会搞怪，可说是开心果一个。。。
他很创意，很有才华，会音乐、唱歌、画画等等，更是电脑奇才。。。
他算是蛮成功的，有自己的生意，也蛮受朋友欢迎。

有一年他生日，忘了是谁的主意，说一起去吃宵夜。。。
只不过是一间很平常的咖啡店，没有什么特别节目，大伙儿一起去吃，自己点自己想吃的。
有人带了一个小蛋糕来给他一个小“惊喜”。。。对我来说，这种庆祝再平常不过了，也算不了什么“庆祝”。
大家聊聊天、胡闹一场，吃完宵夜就回家了。我有注意到那晚他不像他一贯的吵闹、多话。。。

回到家，收到他简讯说：
谢谢你们！我真的很惊讶你们帮我庆祝生日，从来没有人曾经为我庆祝生日，所以我一时太感动，说不出什么话来，不知道该怎么回应，只想说真的太谢谢你们了。。。

他还说感动的想哭！这常常看起来很有自信的一个人？！

我想对我们很多人来说生日蛋糕和礼物已不是什么大不了的事，甚至还诸般挑剔；可是原来还有很多人从来没有什么人为他们庆祝过他们的生日，也没收过什么礼物！我想帮人计划一个小惊喜或送一份小礼物，我们很多应该都很轻易做得到吧？

有时候对我们来说只不过是一件轻而易举的举手之劳，但对他人来说却意义深远，我们没察觉到但却深深触摸及感动了他们的心。很简单的一个小举动，却也可以有很大的震撼和感动，我们还是赶快行动吧。。。

He is often quite jovial and mischievous, quite often the fun of the party…
He is rather creative and talented, knows music, can sing, draw etc, and is a computer genius…
He can be considered quite successful, has his own business and quite popular with friends.

One year on his birthday, I cannot remember whose idea it was, we went for supper together…
Just an ordinary coffee shop, no special programme, just a group of friends having supper together, and we all ordered our own food.
Someone brought along a small cake to give him a little “surprise”… To me, this kind of “celebration” is at the most ordinary level, it cannot even be considered a “celebration”.
We talked, joked and went home after supper. I did notice he was not his usual noisy and talkative self…

Upon reaching home, I received his text message, he said:
Thank you all so much! I was really surprised that you all celebrated my birthday for me, no one ever celebrated my birthday for me, so I was very touched and did not know what to say or how to respond… but just to say thanks so much…

he even said he was almost moved to tears! I mean for someone who always seems so confident like him?!

I think to many of us a birthday cake or gift is not really a big deal anymore, in fact we can even be very fussy about them. But as a matter of fact, many people never ever had anyone celebrating their birthday for them, nor received any gift for that matter!
I think helping to plan a little surprise or giving a small gift to someone should be quite easy for many of us, right?

Sometimes what is to us a tiny and easy act may mean a great deal to others, and may touch their hearts in a very deep way without us realizing. Just a very simple act but it can have a deep impact, we had better get up and act quickly…

 

 

 

June 7, 2011

也没什么大争吵或打架，只不过是童年的一个小误会，竟然就一辈子再没讲话了。。。

他其实是我童年的一位玩伴和好朋友，那时也只不过是小学生的我们，有一天一起打羽毛球，因着什么条规他很生气，跟我起了一点小争执，过后他就不跟我讲话了。

其实小孩子通常都会有争执，可是过后又会和好，只是不知何故我们那一次过后就没有再讲过一句话！原来小孩子也可以赌气这么久，时间久了我也开始觉得尴尬，不知如何再跟他作朋友。

几年后我离开家乡到古晋读中学，那就跟他真的完全失去联络了。几年才回家乡一次，因为是小地方难免会遇见，觉得他不是很愿意打招呼，所以我也没主动问候或和好。渐渐的，我也很少回来了，出国回来了也继续住在古晋，极少回家乡，所以对家乡的人、事、物也没什么感情了。。。

我想都二十多年后了吧，有一天妈妈从家乡出来看我们，突然告诉我他自杀死了。。。我非常震惊！难以置信，悲感交集。。。
当时我已是一名传道人，脑子里面一直还有这朋友的影子。他从小就很迷信，所以我一直想有机会的话，要回去跟他和好，传福音给他，没想到却没机会了。。。

因妈跟他们都熟，妈说他一直都很迷信，还一度短暂出家，后又拜了许多偶像，仿佛一直寻找心灵的慰籍。据说他自杀的前一天，他仿佛对一切绝望，把所拜的偶像都堆集起来一起打破，然后喝杀虫剂自尽！他自杀后没有马上死，垂死挣扎的几天，妈有去医院看他，他已不能说话。妈劝他要信耶稣，以前他都很抗拒，可是妈说这一次他仿佛都听进去了，带着泪水的眼神同意妈为他祷告。

几天后，他死了。。。

我心里有一丝丝的遗憾，他是那么孤单和可怜啊，我怎么一直都没有再跟他讲话呢？
儿时的玩伴、胡闹、笑声、情景都历历在眼前，犹记得有一次在河里游泳我差点溺毙，还是他救了我。。。
结果就那么一场小游戏、小误会，就丧失了一个朋友，值得吗？

唯愿我们有机会就把爱传给人，心里想做的赶快去做，不要拖延，免得来不及而后悔莫及。
也求主怜悯，让他在最后的那一刻，当妈劝他信耶稣的时候，我祷告他心里真的也有呼求主。。。

 

There was no big quarrel or fight, just some tiny childhood misunderstanding, just for that we did not speak to each other ever again…

He was actually my childhood companion and good friend. We were only in primary school then. One day as we were having some badminton game, over some rule he became very angry with me and had a small argument with me. After that he did not speak to me again.

Actually children have quarrels all the time but they reconcile again very fast, just I do not know why we never spoke to each other ever again after that! I realised children can hold grudges for a long time too. As the silence prolonged, I began to feel awkward too and did not know how to befriend him again.

Few years later I left home to pursue my secondary education in Kuching, and that truly broke off my contact with him completely. I would only go back to my hometown once every few years, and because it was a small town, we inevitably would bump into each other. I somehow felt he did not seem very friendly towards me, so I did not take the initiative to greet him or reconcile too. As the years went by, the number of times I came home greatly reduced. After my return from overseas, I continued to live in Kuching and very seldom went home, so I had no more attachment with the people, environment and happenings in my hometown…

It must have been more than twenty years later, one day when my mum came out from our hometown to visit, she suddenly told me he had committed suicide and died… I was very shocked! I could not believe and felt sad and sorrowful…
I was already a preacher by then, this friend still appeared in my mind many times. He was very superstitious since young, so I had often thought if I had a chance, I would go home to reconcile with him and share the Gospel with him, but I never had the chance again…

Because mum was familiar with them, mum said he had all along been very superstitious, and even became a monk for a short period, and later worshipped many idols as well. It appeared that he was searching for some comfort in his soul. Sources said the day before he killed himself, he seemed to lose hope in everything, he put all his idols in a pile and destroyed them all and  he drank pesticide to kill himself after that! He did not die immediately after his suicide attempt, during the few days he struggled with death, mum visited him in the hospital, he could not speak anymore by then. Mum persuaded him to believe in Jesus, he used to be very resistant but mum said this time he seemed to listen , and with teary eyes agreed for mum to pray for him.

He died few days later…

I have some regret in my heart, he was such a lonely and pitiful man, why did I not speak to him at all again?
Childhood companion, the fun, laughter, memories all flash across my mind, I can still remember once I almost drowned while swimming in the river and it was him who saved my life…
And just over a small game, a little misunderstanding, losing a friend for that, is it worth it?

May we share our love with others whenever we have a chance, quickly do what our hearts prompt us to do, do not delay further or we might regret later.
May God have mercy on him too that at that very last moment when mum was persuading him to believe in Jesus, I pray that his heart did call on the name of the Lord…

 

April 29, 2011

2008年2月26日。。。

在极度困难下，他太太终于怀孕了。。。可是胎儿才五个月大，情况恶化，孩子无法待在胎里了。。。
眼看孩子的生命即将停止了，医生无计可施，只好把孩子“催生”，要不然也会停止呼吸在胎中。。。

早上10点22分，他传简讯给我。。。
“我们的宝贝现正在跟主耶稣玩耍，一下子她就要回去天堂与主在一起到永远了。我告诉宝贝天堂是一个非常美丽的地方，有一天回去了我们将会知道你就是我们的宝贝，你也会知道我们就是你妈咪和爹地。。。。牧师，请不要担心我们，我们依然信靠主耶稣，也会以感恩的心继续事奉，谢谢牧师。。。”

第二封简讯，下午4点37分。。。
“我看着孩子生出来呼吸最后一口气，我亲自抱着她，边祷告边陪她到太平间。。。一路上我喃喃自语说：有一天在天上见面你一定非常漂亮。。。
感谢上帝我太太心里很平安，因她相信一切都掌握在上帝手中。至于我，我依然要跟随主，作他的器皿。。。”

上帝确实看到你的心和听到你的祷告了，Philip，他对你很满意。
我们也都很爱你们俩，也会一直支持你们。。。你们的信心和坚强的确很鼓励我们。。。
上帝必赐福你们！

February 26th, 2008…

In a most difficult situation, his wife finally conceived… but the baby was only five months old in the womb and condition grew bad, she could not stay in the womb any longer…
Seeing that the baby’s life was stopping, the doctor had no choice but to induce the baby to come out, otherwise she would stop breathing inside as well…

He texted me at 10:22am…
“Our baby is playing with Lord Jesus here. Soon she will be with the Lord forever in heaven. I told my baby heaven is a very beautiful place, we will know you are our baby and you will know we are your dad and mum one day in heaven………. Don’t worry about us, pastor, we still trust the Lord Jesus and will serve with a thankful heart. Tq pastor…”

The 2nd sms came at 4:37pm :

” I saw the baby came out during delivery with her last breath. I accompanied her to the mortuary by carrying her with my own arms and prayed. Along the way, I talked to her and said you must be very pretty when we meet in heaven. Thank God my wife is at peace as she believes everything is in God’s hands. As for me, I still want to follow Christ and be His vessel…”

God surely saw your heart and heard your prayer, Philip, He is well pleased with you.
We love both of you very much and will surely stand by  you always… we are certainly encouraged by your faith and strength…..
God will surely bless you!

 

 

 

April 1, 2011

哭有时，笑有时；哀恸有时，跳舞有时。。。
－传道书三章四节－

There is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…
– Ecclesiastes 3:4 –

那天，我们哭了。。。
眼泪是上帝给的，有时候眼泪是应该流的。。。
哭泣未必每次都是懦弱的表现，很多时候在人前掉泪是需要勇气的。。。

That day, we cried…
God gave us tears, there are times when tears must flow…
It is not always weak to cry, many times it takes courage just to shed a tear in front of others…

 

那天，我们发现我们都很爱田圣。。。
虽然田圣不善于表达情感，我相信他有感受到那份爱。。。
爱带来力量和盼望。

That day, we realized we love Daniel very much…
Though Daniel is not an expressive person, I believe he could feel that love too…
Love brings strength and hope.

 

 

可能有些人不太赞同基督徒丧礼有伤心落泪时刻，他们认为说圣徒死了是回天国，是好事，所以不需要难过。
讲这种话的人往往是“过于属灵”而不切实际，仿佛信了主就没了感情一样。我才不相信他们本身没有伤心难过的时刻！
一些父母送孩子到国外留学都舍不得到哭得稀里哗啦，更何况是生离死别呢？

保罗在罗马书十二章15节也说：与喜乐的人要同乐；与哀哭的人要同哭。。。
可见我们需要理解人伤心的感受，而不是“超属灵”还加以论断，那既不敏感也欠缺爱心，绝对不是神所提倡。

Perhaps some people do not quite agree with shedding tears of sadness at a Christian funeral for they think that when believers die, they are returning to heaven; since that is a good thing so we do not need to feel sad. And I do not believe they themselves will not have moments of sadness and tears!
People who speak like that are normally “over-spiritual” till not realistic or practical, as if our human emotions disappear after believing in Jesus.
Some parents would cry buckets of tears even when sending their children overseas to further their studies, what more to say in a life and death situation?

Paul said in Romans 12:15 : Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn…
This shows that we must appreciate and understand a person’s sad feelings, and not be “hyper-spiritual” to judge, that would be too insensitive and lacking in love, definitely not something God promotes.

所以那天我们哭了。。。
所以那天我们没有掩饰我们的眼泪。。。
所以那天我们没有假装我们没有心碎。

So we wept that day…
So we did not hide our years that day…
So we did not pretend we were not heart-broken that day.

 

那天天空也哭了，
但我们知道雨后一定天晴，
彩虹是雨后才会出现。。。
那天我们在伤痛中看到了爱。。。

That day the sky wept as well,
but we know there is always sunshine after the rain,
and rainbow only appears after the rain…
That day we saw love in the midst of sorrows…

 

我们也知道哀伤的田圣最后还是会喜乐，因为妈妈最想看到的还是田圣的笑容。。。
我们知道有那么多人爱和支持的田圣会重拾笑容。。。
我们也已看到田圣勇敢的面对，勇敢的继续走下去。。。
加油，田圣，我们爱你！

And we know the sorrowful Daniel would become joyful again, because it was his smile that mum loved to see best…
And we know with so many people loving and supporting him, Daniel would regain his smiles…
And we have alreay seen Daniel facing it boldly and carrying on courageously…
Fight on, Daniel, we all love you!