Tag Archive - 诗歌创作,心路历程,留学生涯,writing songs

逃到北京(2)。。。 Escape to Beijing (2)…



That time, problems came one after another, I could not think coherently, I felt suffocated…
I told Father God: I’m sorry, I seldom run away from reality or am seldom irresponsible, most times I would ask Your permission, but this time, could You just allow me to choose to escape for a while?

I did not tell anyone, I went to buy the air ticket at the travel agency.
I decided to fly to Beijing to meet Jaydon who happened to fly there that day as well with Stefanie Sun’s concert team.




But we need a visa to fly to China and it was too late to apply for a visa that day…

I told Father God again: I’m not asking You as to whether it is right for me to run away in this manner, or whether I should, all that I’m asking for is for You to allow me to go and breathe some fresh air… is that ok? Please allow the Chinese Embassy to grant me a visa beyond their office hours…

The agency staff came back and said I got the visa…
Many hours later, I was in Beijing.



Stefanie’s music director, Kenn C is my good friend, he did not know I was actually “running away from home”, but thought I was only coming for a holiday.
He was very happy to hear that I came, he got me to stay with them for free at the expensive 5-star hotel, and gave me the most expensive ticket in the VIP seats (about RM800)!


It was my first pop concert experience ever, seeing the packed outdoor stadium, you could tell Stefanie is indeed very popular… Immediately I felt so tiny and insignificant, who am I? Who knows me? I am but dust, there is no reason why Father God should choose and use me, and here I am, running away from His calling.
Even so, this dust was now sitting in the  most expensive VIP seat.
I could feel how Father God treasured and loved me. Though I ran away, I felt Him saying: Child, I love you still…


Stefanie’s father sat a row or two behind me (far left with glasses)…





As soon as the concert started, I noticed Stef’s father’s very satisfied expression watching his daughter’s performance. From his eyes, I knew in his heart Stef will always be the best to him, it does not matter how well she sang or danced, the father’s expression was one of someone very appreciative of and delighted with his daughter, he was just so proud of her!

I could feel he was also concerned whether Stef would make any mistake during the performance etc, and if she did, I was sure he would feel so much for her and not get angry or feel ashamed or want to rebuke her instantly, he would also be concerned whether Stef would feel hurt or upset…

At that moment, I felt the heart of my Father God… I suddenly realized that He is also constantly looking at me in the same manner…
The love of my Father God touched me, my shame and guilt disappeared as well.



Even an earthly father could love his child so much, would not my Father God love me more, care for me more, or be concerned for me more?
I ran away under pressure, I did not stay true to my calling, He was not angry with me, He did not punish me, instead He put me in a 5-star hotel, and gave me a VIP seat to watch a concert…

That day, I realized Father God really understands me and is very concerned for me, He also understands my weaknesses and feelings…
I escaped to Beijing, I escaped from the calling of Father God, I escaped but ran straight into the arms of my Father…




逃到北京。。。 Escape To Beijing…






几个小时后,我坐在飞往北京的飞机上。。。( 待续 )

Those days I was so busy that I felt suffocated, so many things to deal with: personal, others’, church’s etc etc… had a sudden urge to fly away to breathe some fresh air, away from everyone, away from daily norms, just to relax and cool down, and to hear God’s voice…
I made a sudden decision, I would to fly to Beijing which I have never been, not telling anyone ‘cos I just wanted to be quiet, nobody would guess I would go there…

At about 2pm, sitting in the travel agent’s office, she said the Chinese Embassy only releases visas till 11:30am daily, after that the office is closed for the day, my heart dropped…
I made a quick prayer in my heart pleading for God’s mercy…

She sent her staff to the Chinese Embassy to plead on my behalf, I went home to pack by faith… at about 3pm she called to say I got the visa!

I put down the phone and kept repeating to God : thank You, thank You…
That day, I understood more what grace and mercy mean, such messed-up feeling and such temperamental decision, yet He listened…

Few hours later, I was in the plane flying to Beijing… ( to be continued )


(Note: Originally posted on Sept 30th, 2009.)

七年就这样如飞而去。。。 7 years fly by just like that…

Within seven years a person’s appearance, environment, heart condition etc can experience a lot of changes… what about me? And what about you?
Are you happier than before? Are you more satisfied than before?Ever considered that seriously…?

七年前在灯塔 / Seven years ago at Lighthouse – 2004


今年在灯塔 / At Lighthouse this year – 2011





Due to the impact and encouragement on myself after the visit to Lighthouse this time, I looked into my album again and found the pictures captured at Lighthouse in 2004… comparing them with those photos just taken during the recent visit to Lighthouse, the differences of seven years are definite, especially in terms of appearance, the footprints of years gone by etc…
Memories of seven years inevitably surfaced in my heart… all the days trodden, journey of the heart, remorse, comfort, bitter sweet memories etc…
Seven years, many pictures can come to mind… some of people long gone, things that cannot be undone, but most important of all, is our heart still as determined and pure towards God…?






In these seven years, I know I may not be after God’s own heart all the time, and may not be completely focused every moment… there were times I did not obey, and times I got distracted…
Too many times I have wondered why God would use a person like me…



I guess that is what we call the grace and mercy of God, to realize that He has never once forsaken me and His heart towards me is ever true…
It is because of this that I can carry on serving… not because I am worthy but grateful…


O Lord, please guard my heart to forever serve You alone, and to forever give all the glory to You… Amen!