Tag Archive - 幽默感,sense of humour

透露另四名決賽选手! Another FOUR finalists revealed!

可怜金豹好像四围被骂的很惨!自己进不了决赛,新闻又报的不好,看来他应该快改行了。。。
Pitiful Golden Leopard seems to be attacked by all sides so badly! He did not make it to the final himself, and now is bad at reporting the news as well, seems like he should switch career soon….

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好吧,第六位!这个不得了!当记者问她猜测谁会进总决赛时,她毫无迟疑的第一个说她自己,而且她说这不是猜测,她说她已知道!她知道!!!所以称她为女先知一点都不为过!
对了,她就是大家最熟悉和被亲切称为悯母的溪妖铁(CL Tay)!据说那晚她献唱时,哭的哭、喊的喊、晕的晕、吐的吐、发作的发作,整个场面失控!怪只怪大家没听金豹劝告要先洁净自己才能听悯母的歌。连当天另两位评审都充满惊恐和颤抖恳求说:一定要给她进决赛!一定要给她进决赛!。。。因为他们深怕受审判!

悯母果然是怜悯之母,她知道总决赛不能出事,她为了大家的安危着想,她决定决赛时找一个代唱歌手代唱,就照悯母亲口说的:“这样比赛才能顺利完成,不会有太多突然发作事件产生。”
但悯母还是劝我们不可以掉以轻心,她不能担保不会出事,因为能力也在她的歌里!“我只希望代唱歌手能把整首歌平安唱完。。。”她语重心长的说。

那代唱歌手将会是谁呢?据说主办单位还在迫切寻找这种勇气可嘉,勇于冒险的歌手;如果你自认能胜任,不妨联络金豹接洽一下。。。

Ok, the 6th finalist! This one is amazing! When the reporter asked her who she would guess to be in the final, without hesitation the first person she said was herself! And she said she was not GUESSING, she ALREADY KNEW! SHE KNEW!!! So it is not a bit over-stating when we call her prophetess!
Yes, she is the very popular and fondly called Mother Mercy CL Tay! Reports said on that night she sang, some cried, some screamed, some fainted, some vomitted, some manifested, it was a real chaos, totally lost control! We can only blame the audience for not listening to Leopard’s advice to cleanse yourselves first before listening to Mercy’s singing. Even the two judges that night was filled with fear and trembling and they kept begging: Let her enter the final! Let her enter the final!… because they did not want to bring judgement on themselves!

And Mother Mercy is indeed full of mercy, she knows we cannot allow unpleasant incidences during the Final, so for the sake of the safety of all, she has decided to find a representing singer to sing her song in the final, we quote Mercy’s own words: “Only then can the final be carried out smoothly, sudden manifestations will be kept to the minimal.”
However, Mother continued to advise us not to take it too lightly as she cannot guarantee anything. “I can only hope the representing singer can finish singing the whole song safely…”, she said with a heavy heart.

Then who will this representing singer be? The organizer is still desperately seeking this singer with such courage and bravery to take up the challenge, if you think you are up to it, do contact Leopard to discuss…

警告!在看以下几张悯母溪妖铁的照片之前,请先洁净自己!
Warning! Before you look at Mothers Mercy CL Tay’s photos below, please cleanse yourselves first!

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接下来几位,金豹就不详细介绍了因时间有限,而且大家又急着想知道答案。。。
For the next few, Leopard will not introduce in details because of time and you all are also eager to know the answer…

第七位:真红(恨你脏妻,绿卡妈)
The 7th finalist: Jane Hong (Hen’s wife, Ricca’s mum)

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第八位:杀了得 (代唱歌手:金)
但是在总决赛很可能是女歌手唱这首歌,是不是杀了得自己唱,还是另找一位代唱歌手呢。。。?
日后必揭晓~

The 8th finalist: Charlotte (Representing singer: Kim)
But it could well be a female singer singing this song in the final, whether it is going to be Charlotte herself, or another representing singer…?
The answer will be known~

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第九位:恨你脏!
偷偷告诉你,我们的评审折腾组,给了恨你脏最高分!这跟他们师徒关系有关吗?还是恨你脏的歌真的那么好?身负这种负面传闻,恨你脏会不会一恨之下不出赛呢?会不会因此把位子让给原本没进决赛的选手呢。。。?

The 9th Finalist: Henry Chong!
Tell you secretly, our judge Jaydon Joo gave Henry the highest mark! Has this got to do with their sifu-student relationship, or is Henry’s song really good? Facing this kind of negative report, will Hen angrily abandon his right in the final and give his place to some other contestant not in the final…?

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现在九位进入决赛的选手都知道了,下一次报导将报告最后剩下的六位的名单,但如恨你脏不能承受负面传闻的压力而真的突然宣布退赛,那将会报告七位选手的名字。。。所以,你们是希望六位还是七位呢。。。?
那最后几位将要报告的又是谁呢?”我们唱的很大声“的饥民会不会在决赛当中呢?他是不是真的传闻中的内定冠军呢?
请锁定金豹惊爆更多新闻。。。

Now you know the nine contestants who have entered the final, the next report will reveal the remaining six, but if Hen cannot withstand the pressure of negative report and decides to withdraw suddenly, then we will announce seven… so do you hope for six or seven…?
Then who are the remaining ones yet to be announced? Will Kee Meng of “We Sing Loud” be in the final? Or is he really the pre-decided champion as rumoured???
Do log into more shocking news from Leopard…

这凳子什么颜色? What colour is this stool?

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你们看看这凳子什么颜色?没经过“我训练”的人很可能会马上回答:黑色啦!那么明显!还需要问吗?
但有经过“我训练”的就可能会想:嗯,问这么明显的问题,答案肯定没那么简单!他葫芦里不知卖什么膏药?

What colour is this stool?
Those not “trained by me” would probably answer immediately: Black of course! Isn’t it very obvious? Why ask?!
But those “trained by me” would probably think: Hmm… asking such an obvious question, I’m sure the answer isn’t that simple! Wonder what trick is he pulling at this time?

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第一种人会有点太果断或自以为是,而第二种人又有点太复杂。。。
哎唷!那到底要怎样回答啊??哈哈!!
好啦,好啦,就直接告诉你们答案吧,这凳子是亮丽粉红色!

林义忠!你眼睛有没有问题啊???
再看清楚一点。。。这怎么会是亮丽粉红色呢??

The first type of people are kind of too decisive or assuming, and the second type are slightly too complicated…
My goodness! Then how to answer the question?? Haha!!
Alright, alright, let me tell you the answer directly, the stool is shocking pink in colour!

Hey GT! Are you sure your eyes are alright???
Look again… how can this possibly be shocking pink??

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是的!它真的是粉红色!
我们凡事不能只看外表,很多东西背后是有故事的。
至于这凳子怎么会是粉红色背后的故事,就等我下一篇再告诉你吧。。。

Yes! It is really pink in colour!
We must not judge everything from its appearance, many things have a story behind.
As for the story behind why this stool is pink in colour, I will tell you in my next article…

福州人和客家人的故事。。。 Story of The Foochow and The Hakka…

话说客家人决定到中国广州去考察他工程要所用到的产品。
It started with The Hakka deciding to go to Guangzhou, China, to source for products for his business projects.

客家人 - 酷酷的,穿着有品味,年轻,很瘦但好看,有时下流行的发型。
The Hakka – cool, dresses well, young,very thin but good- looking, sports the
latest hairstyle.

客家人联络在中国已有十年生意经验,现在也住在广州的福州人。
身为好朋友,福州人很欢迎客家人的到来,而且非常乐意当向导和帮助。

The Hakka contacted The Foochow  who has had business dealings in China for ten years already and is currently residing in Guangzhou.
Being a good friend, The Foochow happily welcomed the coming of The Hakka and was most willing to be a guide and help.

 

福州人 - 讲话大声,偏向胖的那一边,满脑子生意经,对服装与时尚等无聊东西一点兴趣都没有,房间里也没有镜子。
The  Foochow – loud, more on the plump side, very business-minded, has no interest in fashion and such nonsense whatsoever, does not have a mirror in his bedroom.

哦,我有没有说客家人也邀请福建人同去?什么原因只有客家人知道。
总之,福建人在故事里不重要,他只是写故事的人。
Oh, did I mention The Hakka invited The Hokkien to come along, for reason only known to The Hakka himself?
The Hokkien is not important in this story, he is just the writer here.

经过一天的考察,福州人有所观察,但基于礼貌和不要使客家人难为情,他偷偷告诉福建人说客家人生意经不够,太老实和太轻易相信人。
“他这样很容易被一些诡诈的中国生意人杀掉的,”福州人告诉福建人。
可是按福建人的注意,客家人好像很开心被杀,还以为自己找到很好的机会。。。

After a day of sourcing around, The Foochow had some observation, but being very polite and not wanting to embarrass The Hakka, he secretly told The Hokkien that The Hakka isn’t business-minded enough as he is too straight and trusting, “he can be easily slaughtered by some unscrupulous business people in China,” The Foochow told The Hokkien.
But as The Hokkien observed, in fact The Hakka seemed very happy to be slaughtered thinking he had got some very good deals.

 

所以很善良的福建人,就很福建的告诉客家人福州人所说的;可是那客家人一贯很酷的个性,才懒得去理福建人真心的劝告。
So being very kind and very Hokkien, The Hokkien told The Hakka what The Foochow said.
But being very typical of The Hakka, he remained cool and couldn’t be bothered with The Hokkien’s honest advice.

 

所以福建人唯一能做的就是,每当客家人好像就要谈好价钱和做决定时,福建人就赶忙呼叫福州人过来干涉和拯救。
然后福建人就会悄悄走开,因为福州人大声谈判的方式是有点难为情。。。
Therefore the only thing The Hokkien could do was, whenever The Hokkien saw that The Hakka seemed about to strike a deal on certain prices, The Hokkien
would quickly cry out to The Foochow to come and intervene and rescue. Then The Hokkien would quietly walk away because the loud negotiation technique of The Foochow can be quite embarrassing.

 

两天过后,客家人完成他的任务,就闲逛买纪念品。很莫名其妙的他竟然想买茶壶,因这之前从来没看过他喝中国茶!
他就装得很专业那样看茶壶,还问女老板他们有没有售卖设计师限量版的茶壶。。。女老板说个个都是设计师的限量版!
但客家人没看上任何一个,他找那种很时尚创意的中国茶壶。。。
哎哟,拜托啦,客家先生,这里讲的是中国茶壶啊,怎么可能找到时尚设计和惊人色彩呢?

After two days, The Hakka got what he came for and was free to roam around and shop for souvenirs. Very randomly he wanted to buy a Chinese teapot though I had never seen him drink Chinese tea before. So he acted like a real pro looking at the teapots and asking the lady of the shop whether they sold limited designer’s edition teapots… The shop lady said all were designers’ limited editions!
But The Hakka could not find one he really liked, he was looking for something modern and creative…
Oh, come on, get serious man, Mr. Hakka, we are talking about Chinese teapots here! Modern design with daring
colours??

突然,客家人听到女老板讲家乡话,充满惊喜的发现大家是同乡!
哇,感觉好像在中国找到他的根,和失散多年的姐姐!
他们只差没有拥抱哭泣罢了!
Then The Hakka overheard the lady boss spoke in their mother tongue and discovered with great joy that they were from the same village in China!
Wow, The Hakka felt as though he had found his root and his long lost sister in China. They only fell short of hugging each other and cried.

 

所以这“善良”的客家妇女就充满爱心的要帮助这可能是他从马来西亚来失散多年的弟弟,她非常关心的对他客家人说他若去别家店肯定被杀,因为客家人对于茶壶的提问会马上出卖自己是茶壶的外行。
她就安慰客家人说他来对了店,因为既然大家是同乡她就很乐意用很低的380人民币,卖给他一个设计师茶壶!她说别人因看得出客家人对茶壶一窍不通,一定会轻易说那茶壶值一千人民币以上!客家人当然被这新姐姐的爱感动。

So the “kind” Hakka lady, full of compassion to help her possible long lost Hakka brother from Malaysia. She felt very concerned for The Hakka and said he would surely be slaughtered if he had gone to the other shops, as The Hakka’s various questions about teapots immediately betrayed the fact that he was only an amateur in teapots. So she comforted The Hakka that he had come to the right shop as
since they are from the same village in China, she was most willing to sell him very cheaply a designer teapot for RMB380 only! She said others would have easily quoted RMB1,000 and above since The Hakka appeared so raw in this trade. Of course The Hakka felt very touched by the love of his new sister.

 

在此刻,眼看客家人就要被宰了,福建人又赶快叫福州人来干涉。。。
结果那很便宜380人民币的茶壶以150卖给客家人!
福州人说若不是赶时间去机场,他一定杀到100才肯罢休。。。
我看以后我们到中国买东西一定要叫福州人作向导。。。

At this juncture, seeing The Hakka was about to be slaughtered, The Hokkien quickly asked The Foochow to intervene again…
As a result, the very cheap RMB380 designer teapot was sold for only RMB150 to The Hakka!
The Foochow said if we were not rushing to the airport, he would have insisted on just RMB100…
I think we should all ask The Foochow to be our guide when we go shopping in China…