一直到最後我們都沒有再講話。。。 Till the very end, we did not speak to each other again…
也没什么大争吵或打架，只不过是童年的一个小误会，竟然就一辈子再没讲话了。。。
他其实是我童年的一位玩伴和好朋友，那时也只不过是小学生的我们，有一天一起打羽毛球，因着什么条规他很生气，跟我起了一点小争执，过后他就不跟我讲话了。
其实小孩子通常都会有争执，可是过后又会和好，只是不知何故我们那一次过后就没有再讲过一句话！原来小孩子也可以赌气这么久，时间久了我也开始觉得尴尬，不知如何再跟他作朋友。
几年后我离开家乡到古晋读中学，那就跟他真的完全失去联络了。几年才回家乡一次，因为是小地方难免会遇见，觉得他不是很愿意打招呼，所以我也没主动问候或和好。渐渐的，我也很少回来了，出国回来了也继续住在古晋，极少回家乡，所以对家乡的人、事、物也没什么感情了。。。
我想都二十多年后了吧，有一天妈妈从家乡出来看我们，突然告诉我他自杀死了。。。我非常震惊！难以置信，悲感交集。。。
当时我已是一名传道人，脑子里面一直还有这朋友的影子。他从小就很迷信，所以我一直想有机会的话，要回去跟他和好，传福音给他，没想到却没机会了。。。
因妈跟他们都熟，妈说他一直都很迷信，还一度短暂出家，后又拜了许多偶像，仿佛一直寻找心灵的慰籍。据说他自杀的前一天，他仿佛对一切绝望，把所拜的偶像都堆集起来一起打破，然后喝杀虫剂自尽！他自杀后没有马上死，垂死挣扎的几天，妈有去医院看他，他已不能说话。妈劝他要信耶稣，以前他都很抗拒，可是妈说这一次他仿佛都听进去了，带着泪水的眼神同意妈为他祷告。
几天后，他死了。。。
我心里有一丝丝的遗憾，他是那么孤单和可怜啊，我怎么一直都没有再跟他讲话呢？
儿时的玩伴、胡闹、笑声、情景都历历在眼前，犹记得有一次在河里游泳我差点溺毙，还是他救了我。。。
结果就那么一场小游戏、小误会，就丧失了一个朋友，值得吗？
唯愿我们有机会就把爱传给人，心里想做的赶快去做，不要拖延，免得来不及而后悔莫及。
也求主怜悯，让他在最后的那一刻，当妈劝他信耶稣的时候，我祷告他心里真的也有呼求主。。。
There was no big quarrel or fight, just some tiny childhood misunderstanding, just for that we did not speak to each other ever again…
He was actually my childhood companion and good friend. We were only in primary school then. One day as we were having some badminton game, over some rule he became very angry with me and had a small argument with me. After that he did not speak to me again.
Actually children have quarrels all the time but they reconcile again very fast, just I do not know why we never spoke to each other ever again after that! I realised children can hold grudges for a long time too. As the silence prolonged, I began to feel awkward too and did not know how to befriend him again.
Few years later I left home to pursue my secondary education in Kuching, and that truly broke off my contact with him completely. I would only go back to my hometown once every few years, and because it was a small town, we inevitably would bump into each other. I somehow felt he did not seem very friendly towards me, so I did not take the initiative to greet him or reconcile too. As the years went by, the number of times I came home greatly reduced. After my return from overseas, I continued to live in Kuching and very seldom went home, so I had no more attachment with the people, environment and happenings in my hometown…
It must have been more than twenty years later, one day when my mum came out from our hometown to visit, she suddenly told me he had committed suicide and died… I was very shocked! I could not believe and felt sad and sorrowful…
I was already a preacher by then, this friend still appeared in my mind many times. He was very superstitious since young, so I had often thought if I had a chance, I would go home to reconcile with him and share the Gospel with him, but I never had the chance again…
Because mum was familiar with them, mum said he had all along been very superstitious, and even became a monk for a short period, and later worshipped many idols as well. It appeared that he was searching for some comfort in his soul. Sources said the day before he killed himself, he seemed to lose hope in everything, he put all his idols in a pile and destroyed them all and he drank pesticide to kill himself after that! He did not die immediately after his suicide attempt, during the few days he struggled with death, mum visited him in the hospital, he could not speak anymore by then. Mum persuaded him to believe in Jesus, he used to be very resistant but mum said this time he seemed to listen , and with teary eyes agreed for mum to pray for him.
He died few days later…
I have some regret in my heart, he was such a lonely and pitiful man, why did I not speak to him at all again?
Childhood companion, the fun, laughter, memories all flash across my mind, I can still remember once I almost drowned while swimming in the river and it was him who saved my life…
And just over a small game, a little misunderstanding, losing a friend for that, is it worth it?
May we share our love with others whenever we have a chance, quickly do what our hearts prompt us to do, do not delay further or we might regret later.
May God have mercy on him too that at that very last moment when mum was persuading him to believe in Jesus, I pray that his heart did call on the name of the Lord…