那晚他没有来 He did not come that night
那天晚上的聚会他没有来，起初我没注意到，一直到上台了才发现他不在。。。一向来他都很认真、很积极和很尽责；而且一向来他一定会预先通知，我感到有点莫名其妙。。。
散会后才收到他道歉的简讯 － “牧师，我只想说声对不起，为了个人的事却没顾大局，我已向上帝认罪。。。我没有尽责，也不懂得控制情绪与脾气。。。我真的很内疚。。。我真的没脸去见神。。。我真的很不配。。。原谅我的不成熟。。。我不知道该怎么做。若你觉得有需要停止我的服事，我愿意接受。。。我必须负责，对不起，让你担心了。。。”
身为牧师，你读了会有什么感受和反应？我只知道当时他很需要安慰和鼓励，我一点也没有生气。他已经知错，而且已向上帝认罪，又很谦卑的向我道歉和认错，我是谁？岂能还定他的罪吗？加上我可感觉到他伤痛的心，所以很担心他到底发生什么事这么严重，因为他从来不会这样。。。所以我回复他 － “是，因着情绪而丢掉责任是不好，但也不至于被停止事奉，以后一定要胜过。。。压力、情绪等，谁都有，我也曾经逃跑过，甚至我现在因某些事，情绪也不太好，但我还是要尽责，做好我的本份，学习更亲近主。。。”
有没注意到他的最后一句“对不起，让你担心了”？他没说“让你生气了”或“让你反感了”等等。。。他知道我会担心，因为他知道我是爱他的。。。在我们所做的一切背后，一定要有爱。。。
That night he didn’t come to the meeting. I didn’t notice at first till I went to the pulpit and discovered he was not around… He is always a very diligent, positive and responsible person, and normally he would inform in advance, so I felt a little puzzled…
I only received his text message of apology after the meeting – ” Pastor, I just wanna say sorry, for my own personal thing, I neglected my duty, I have already asked for forgiveness from God… I haven’t been responsible, I didn’t know how to control my emotion and temper… I feel really ashamed of myself now, I don’t know how to face God, I’m truly unworthy… Please forgive my immaturity, I really don’t know what to do now. If you think you should stop my serving, I’m willing to accept that, I bear full responsibility. Sorry for making you worried…”
As a pastor, how would you have felt or reacted after reading that? All I knew at that time was he really needed comfort and encouragement, I was not a little bit angry. He already knew his wrong, and he had repented to God, and had also very humbly confessed and apologised to me, who am I then to condemn him still? Plus I was very concerned as to what actually happened to him since he was never like that… So I replied him – “Yes, it is not good to throw away our responsibility ‘cos of our emotion, but it is not so severe as to terminate your serving, you must overcome this in future… we all have pressure, emotions etc, and I too have escaped before, even right now, ‘cos of certain thing, I’m not feeling very well emotionally as well, but I still need to carry my responsibilty, do my job well, and learn to draw even closer to God…”
Did you notice his final sentence “Sorry for making you worried”? He didn’t say “Sorry for making you angry” or “for putting you off” etc… He knew I would be worried ‘cos he knew I love him… Behind everything that we do, there must be love…