That time, problems came one after another, I could not think coherently, I felt suffocated…
I told Father God: I’m sorry, I seldom run away from reality or am seldom irresponsible, most times I would ask Your permission, but this time, could You just allow me to choose to escape for a while?
I did not tell anyone, I went to buy the air ticket at the travel agency.
I decided to fly to Beijing to meet Jaydon who happened to fly there that day as well with Stefanie Sun’s concert team.
But we need a visa to fly to China and it was too late to apply for a visa that day…
I told Father God again: I’m not asking You as to whether it is right for me to run away in this manner, or whether I should, all that I’m asking for is for You to allow me to go and breathe some fresh air… is that ok? Please allow the Chinese Embassy to grant me a visa beyond their office hours…
The agency staff came back and said I got the visa…
Many hours later, I was in Beijing.
Stefanie’s music director, Kenn C is my good friend, he did not know I was actually “running away from home”, but thought I was only coming for a holiday.
He was very happy to hear that I came, he got me to stay with them for free at the expensive 5-star hotel, and gave me the most expensive ticket in the VIP seats (about RM800)!
It was my first pop concert experience ever, seeing the packed outdoor stadium, you could tell Stefanie is indeed very popular… Immediately I felt so tiny and insignificant, who am I? Who knows me? I am but dust, there is no reason why Father God should choose and use me, and here I am, running away from His calling.
Even so, this dust was now sitting in the most expensive VIP seat.
I could feel how Father God treasured and loved me. Though I ran away, I felt Him saying: Child, I love you still…
Stefanie’s father sat a row or two behind me (far left with glasses)…
As soon as the concert started, I noticed Stef’s father’s very satisfied expression watching his daughter’s performance. From his eyes, I knew in his heart Stef will always be the best to him, it does not matter how well she sang or danced, the father’s expression was one of someone very appreciative of and delighted with his daughter, he was just so proud of her!
I could feel he was also concerned whether Stef would make any mistake during the performance etc, and if she did, I was sure he would feel so much for her and not get angry or feel ashamed or want to rebuke her instantly, he would also be concerned whether Stef would feel hurt or upset…
At that moment, I felt the heart of my Father God… I suddenly realized that He is also constantly looking at me in the same manner…
The love of my Father God touched me, my shame and guilt disappeared as well.
Even an earthly father could love his child so much, would not my Father God love me more, care for me more, or be concerned for me more?
I ran away under pressure, I did not stay true to my calling, He was not angry with me, He did not punish me, instead He put me in a 5-star hotel, and gave me a VIP seat to watch a concert…
That day, I realized Father God really understands me and is very concerned for me, He also understands my weaknesses and feelings…
I escaped to Beijing, I escaped from the calling of Father God, I escaped but ran straight into the arms of my Father…