第十六天（22/08/12)

我们印象中的大卫，首先是一名追求神的敬拜者，也知道他是以色列最被爱戴的君王。
今天的我们，当我们提到敬拜者就会想像他是一位音乐人、歌者，或在教会敬拜团事奉的一位团员；而且很多时候，这些所谓敬拜团队的“事奉者”在生命、态度、人际关系上都挺糟糕。。。

固然教会一定有，也应该有所谓的敬拜或音乐团队；但事实上，敬拜不只局限于音乐、舞蹈、诗歌等等，更不是只停留在教堂四面墙里的一种表现。敬拜是一种生命，延伸至你的私人生活、家庭、事业、学业、人际关系等等。。。

单单撒母耳记上第18章就提到三次大卫“做事精明”，而且他还得人喜爱和尊重，这非常值得我们默想、思考和学习。。。

^“5 扫罗无论差遣大卫往何处去，他都做事精明。扫罗就立他做战士长，众百姓和扫罗的臣仆无不喜悦。
¹⁴ 大卫做事无不精明，耶和华也与他同在。
³⁰ 每逢非利士军长出来打仗，大卫比扫罗的臣仆做事精明，因此他的名被人尊重。”
～ 撒上 18:5, 14, 30 ～

Day 16 (22/08/12)

Our impression of David, first and foremost was a worshipper after God’s own heart, and we also know he was the most loved king of Israel.
For us today, when we talk about a worshipper, we would imagine that is a musician, singer, or a member of the church’s worship team; and many times, these so-called worship team members can be quite terrible people in real life, attitude, inter-personal relationship with others…

Of course a church will have, and should have a so-called worship or music ministry; but  in actual fact, worship is not just limited to music, dance, songs etc, and even less just confined to performing within the four walls of the church-building. Worship is your life, extending to your private lifestyle, family, career, schools, relationship with others etc…

Just in Chapter 18 of 1 Samuel alone, David did things successfully was mentioned three times, and he found favour with people and won people’s respect. This is really something worth our meditating, thinking and learning…

^“5 Whatever Saul sent him to do, David did it so successfully^[a] that Saul gave him a high rank in the army. This pleased all the people, and Saul’s officers as well.
¹⁴ In everything he did he had great success,^[c] because the Lord was with him.
³⁰ The Philistine commanders continued to go out to battle, and as often as they did, David met with more success^[f] than the rest of Saul’s officers, and his name became well known.”
～ 1 Samuel 18:5, 14, 30 ~

第十五天（21/08/12）

“他要像一棵树，栽在溪水旁，按时候结果子，叶子也不枯干，凡他所做的，尽都顺利。”
～ 诗篇 1:3 ～

我们都希望能得着以上诗1：3的应许，按时候结果子即表示：该有什么样的反应就有什么反应、一缺乏什么就会有什么、该有什么样的收获就有什么样的收获等等；再者，所做的“尽都顺利”的意思是“发达亨通”。。。

然而，为什么太多时候我们都没看到自己结出这样的生命或果子？其实，答案很简单，还没抵达终点，一定先有起点和必须经过的过程，但我们往往不喜欢这种起点或过程，所以想越过或走捷径，因此所抵达的终点当然不一样。。。

该遵行的步骤与走的路是一定要走过的。。。
“不从恶人的计谋，不站罪人的道路，不坐亵慢人的座位，
² 唯喜爱耶和华的律法，昼夜思想，这人便为有福！
³ 他要像一棵树，栽在溪水旁，按时候结果子，叶子也不枯干，凡他所做的，尽都顺利。”
～ 诗篇 1:1-3 ～

Day 15 (21/08/12)

“He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
    Whatever he does prospers.”
~ Psalm 1:3 ~

How we all wish we can receive the promise the promise of Psalm 1:3 above, yielding its fruit in season means: we will have the right response when needed, we will have what we are lacking at the right time, we will harvest what we should be harvesting etc etc; also, we should be prosperous in whatever we are doing…

However, why is it that so often we do not see ourselves bearing such life and fruit? Actually the answer is very simple, before we reach the destination, there is always a starting point and necessary process or journey to go through, but normally we do not like the beginning or process, so we want to by-pass or find a shortcut which in the end causes us to arrive at a different destination of course…

We must really go through the steps to be followed and the path that is necessary…
^“1 Blessed is the man
    who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
    or sit in the seat of mockers.
² But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and on his law he meditates day and night.
³ He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
    Whatever he does prospers.”
~ Psalm 1:1-3 ~

第十四天（20/08/12）

有时候我们读有关圣经伟人的故事，那些伟大的结局、震撼性的影响力、神迹奇事、蒙大福、成大器等等，我们都好羡慕，很希望自己也会有这种恩膏和成就，也能够如此荣耀神。。。

可是我们往往只是很片面的看他们伟大的事迹和成就，却忘了他们的开始与过程。以下两句短短的经文有多深的内涵啊。。。
这些伟人是听了又顺从神的指示，做神要他们做的，放弃、离开或拒绝自己喜欢的而顺服神的指示和带领。

“于是以利亚照着耶和华的话，去。。。”
～ 王上 17:5 ～

^“亚伯兰就照着耶和华的吩咐去了。。。”
～ 创 12:4 ～

我们多少次很伟大的唱着或祷告着：“主啊，带领我！”，可是我想可能上帝很多时候都想说：“我已经走了很长的一段路，你也没跟来。。。”

Day 14 (20/08/12)

Sometimes as we read the stories of the great men in the Bible, those outstanding outcomes, powerful lives with great impact, miracles and wonders, greatly blessed and used by God etc, we are so envious and wish we could also have such anointing and achievement, and that we could glorify God like them too…

But very often we only look selectively at their greatness and achievements, and forget their beginnings and processes. The two very short verses below contain such profound truth… these great men really listened and obeyed what God had told them, did what God asked them to, gave up, abandoned, left or refused their own liking and just obeyed God’s instruction and leading.

“So Elijah did what the Lord had told him…”
~ 1 Kings 17:5 ~

“So Abram left, as the Lord had told him…”
~ Genesis 12:4 ~

How many times have we sung or prayed so loudly: “Lead me, o Lord!”, but I think probably many times God wants to say to us: “I’ve been walking quite a distance already but I don’t see you following behind…”

第十三天（19/08/12）

上帝早已经把一些宝贝放在我们这瓦器里面，圣灵也在我们里面酝酿做工，里面的宝贝有一天将要为主发光，照亮别人。。。

可是问题是，瓦器没被破碎，就看不见里面的宝贝；瓦器没被破碎，里面的光也照耀不出来。所以我们应当很谦卑的常常允许上帝在我们身上动工，该打破的就让他打破、该除掉的就除掉、该拆毁的就拆毁。。。

的确，没破碎就流露不出里面的芬芳来。。。你真的要上帝使用你吗？你愿意被破碎吗。。。？

“我们有这宝贝放在瓦器里，要显明这莫大的能力是出于神，不是出于我们。”
～ 林后4:7 ～

Day 13 (19/08/12)

God has long put some treasure in us, these jars of clay, and the Holy Spirit is also brewing and working in us, so that the treasure inside will one day shine for the Lord and brighten up others’ lives…

But the problem is, if the jar is not broken, people will not be able to see the treasure inside; if the jar is not broken, the light inside cannot shine. Therefore we should always be very humble to allow God to work on us, let Him break what should be broken, remove what should be removed, tear down what should be torn down…

Indeed, unless broken, the fragrance inside cannot flow out… do you really want God to use you? Are you willing to be broken…?

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”
~ 2 Corinthians 4:7 ~

其实禁食，特别是长时间的禁食，并不是一件想要做就能做的事；其实我相信，按肉体来想，没有人会喜欢禁食的。
这一次，在神还没感动我和给我力量禁食40天之前，我无法想象那40天毫无食物的日子，甚至会“怕”上帝会不会再感动我禁食40天。。。
可是时间一到，这些顾虑都是多余的！不知不觉40天早已过去了，我们也已恢复正常的饮食生活。

Actually fasting, especially long period of fasting, is not something you can just do it when you think you want to do it. In fact I believe, by our flesh, nobody likes to fast.
This time, before God convicted me and gave me the strength to fast for 40 days, I could not imagine at all without food for 4o days, and actually I was also kind of “afraid” as to wheher God would convict me to fast for 40 days again…
But when the time came, all these concerns were really unnecessary! Without realizing, 40 days have already gone by, and we have also resumed our normal eating and drinking lifestyle.

我们这一次采取逐渐性的禁法，前面29天还可以喝汤和果汁，最后11天只喝白开水，但很多人过不了最后11天白开水的那一关。。。
就连我自己，最后3天才真正全然白开水，前面几天白开水里偶尔还会加一点葡萄糖补充体力。

This time we took the gradual fast approach, we were still taking soup and juice in the beginning 29 days, only the last 11 days did we take plain water only, but many failed the plain water only for 11 days test…
Even I myself, I only took totally plain water in the last 3 days as I still added some glucose into my water before that to give me some energy.

有时候我们禁食采取只吃素的禁法，就只吃蔬菜和水果，那时就会发现原来吃惯了的肉是何等奢侈。。。
然后我们有时候采取，不只吃素，也禁淀粉之类的食物如：饭、面类、蛋糕和面包等，那时就发现淀粉类食物真是何等奢侈。。。
若全禁食物，就发现蔬菜和水果何等奢侈。。。
只可喝白开水时，又发现汤啦、热饮啦、果汁啦，都是何等奢侈。。。

Sometimes for fasting, we take the vegetarian fast, eating only fruit ad vegetables, during such a time, we would realize the meat we are so used to is such a luxury…
Then sometimes we not only go vegetarian, we stop eating starchy food too like rice, noodles, cakes and bread etc, in times like those, we would realize starchy food is such a luxury…
If we fast all food totally, we would realize fruit and vegetables are such luxury items…
When it is only drinking plain water, we would discover soup, hot drinks and fruit juice are so luxurious…

所谓”奢侈“，是指那些对我们原本很平常的食物饮料，变成我们“得不到”的东西。。。
原来禁食能够让你发现，我们其实是活在何等蒙福及”奢侈“的生活当中啊！我们的“饿”是出于自己自愿的选择，时间过了，马上又可以恢复与享受我们“奢侈”的生活；可是这世界有多少人却是毫无选择的日复一日、年复一年的肚子，毫无终止。。。原来在很多地方，一杯干净的白开水何尝也不是何等奢侈吗？

主啊，让我们不再抱怨生活困苦，让我们学习感恩及享受你给我们的一切。。。

“并且人人吃喝，在他一切劳碌中享福。这也是神的恩赐。”
～ 传道书3:13 ～

The so-called “luxury” is referring to food and drinks that are so ordinary to us normally becoming something we cannot get…
Fasting can indeed make you realize, we are actually living in such a luxurious and blessed life! Our “hunger” is our own voluntary choice, and when the time has passed, we can immediately return to and enjoy our “luxurious” lifestyle, where as there are so many people in this world who do not have a choice but are hungry day after day and year after year without ending… In actual fact, in many places, a glass of clean water is also very luxurious to them!

O lord, help us not to complain about life being tough again, teach us to be grateful and to enjoy all that You have given us…

“That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.”
~ Ecclesiastes 3:13 ~

第四十天：11月11日(五)

该以什么做结束呢？有那么多好写、那么多好说、那么多的感触、感想。。。

晚上，从吉隆坡来的特邀讲员，梅牧师讲道，有一个重点深触我心，是一辈子不可忘记的提醒。

他以路加福音第一章为背景，提到忠心事奉神的祭司，撒迦利亚夫妇，一生求子，如何从有盼望等到绝望。到年纪老迈，不可能生育的时候，再失望也没停止忠心事奉神。撒迦利亚持守上帝给他的职分，忠心在神给他的岗位和地方事奉；结果神就在那神拣选给他的地方向他显现。因着他的忠心，独行奇事的神为他成就了按人、按自己、按自然界都不可能的事情；撒迦利亚的妻子，以利沙伯竟然怀孕生子！

重点是，当神来你应当在的岗位和地方找你时，你在那里吗？他在那里找得到你吗？你是一个对神忠心的人吗
所以，你若渴望神为你行奇事，满足你心里一直期待的突破，或解决某个重担问题，做一个忠心事奉神，持守神所给你的恩赐和职分的人是何等重要啊！

“1:6 他 们 二 人 ， 在 神 面 前 都 是 义 人 ， 遵 行 主 的 一 切 诫 命 礼 仪 ， 没 有 可 指 摘 的 。
1:7 只 是 没 有 孩 子 ， 因 为 以 利 沙 伯 不 生 育 ， 两 个 人 又 年 纪 老 迈 了 。
1:8 撒 迦 利 亚 按 班 次 ， 在 神 面 前 供 祭 司 的 职 分 ，
1:9 照 祭 司 的 规 矩 掣 签 ， 得 进 主 殿 烧 香 。
1:10 烧 香 的 时 候 ， 众 百 姓 在 外 面 祷 告 。
1:11 有 主 的 使 者 站 在 香 坛 的 右 边 ， 向 他 显 现 。
1:12 撒 迦 利 亚 看 见 ， 就 惊 慌 害 怕 。
1:13 天 使 对 他 说 ， 撒 迦 利 亚 ， 不 要 害 怕 。 因 为 你 的 祈 祷 已 经 被 听 见 了 ， 你 的 妻 子 以 利 沙 伯 要 给 你 生 一 个 儿 子 ， 你 要 给 他 起 名 叫 约 翰 。”
～ 路加福音1章 ～

Day 40 : Nov 11th (Fri)

What should I write to conclude? So many things to wite about and to say, so many feelings and thoughts…

In the evening, Pastor Raymond Mooi, our specially invited speaker from KL preached. A certain point touched me deeply, a reminder I must not forget for all my life.

Using Luke Chapter 1 as his background story, Pastor Raymond mentioned how the very faithful priest Zechariah and Elizabeth must have grown from being hopeful to totally hopelesss in their quest for a child. When they were already very old and not possible for Elizabeth to conceive anymore, no matter how disappointed, they did not stop serving God faithfully. Zechariah stayed true to the responsibility God had given him, faithfully serving in the position and place where God had entrusted him with. As a result God appeared to him at the place where God had assigned him to be. Because of his faithfulness, the God of wonders performed for him something that was not possible with men, ourselves or in the natural. The wife, Eliazabeth conceived and gave birth to a son!

The key is, when God comes looking for you at the position or place where you are supposed to be at, will you be there? Can He find you there? Are you a faithful person to God?
Therefore, if you really desire God to do a miracle for you, to satisfy you with the breakthrough you have been waiting for in your heart, or to relieve you of a great burden and problem, it is very important to be a person who stays true to your God-given gift and position!

“6 Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly.
7 But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old.
8 Once when Zechariah’s division was on duty and he was serving as priest before God,
9 he was chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense.
10 And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside.
11 Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense.
12 When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear.
13 But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John.”
~ Luke 1 ~

第三十九天：11月10日(四)

今天读传道书三章，再被提醒上帝的确有特定时候成就某些事情。当然我们都知道每天都充满神的恩典和赐福，但有些东西是季节性，和要看属灵气候的，那就是“kairos”的意思，那上帝特定的时刻，为成就或赐下某件事。

我们相信这一次的40天禁食是神带领我们进去的kairos，我们也相信最后一天（11月11日）的通宵祷告，也是上帝的kairos，而且他也已启示他将要赐给我们超过所求所想！阿们！

“3:1 凡 事 都 有 定 期 ， 天 下 万 务 都 有 定 时 。
3:11 神 造 万 物 ， 各 按 其 时 成 为 美 好 。 又 将 永 生 安 置 在 世 人 心 里 。 （ 永 生 原 文 作 永 远 ） 然 而 神 从 始 至 终 的 作 为 ， 人 不 能 叁 透 。”
～ 传道书 ～

既然晓得凡事都有定时，然后神的话又说“人不能参透”；那我们该如何回应？
我们就当祷告有敏锐的灵，会探测神的时间，求他圣灵引领我们走进他的时刻，与浸在其中。。。

Day 39 : Nov 10th (Thur)

Read Ecclesiastes 3 today and once again reminded that God indeed has His special timing for certain things. Of course we know that everyday is full of God’s grace and blessings, but certain things are seasonal, and need to watch for the spiritual climate. That is the meaning of “kairos”, that is God’s special appointed time to accomplish or send down certain things.

We believe the 40-day fast we have this time is God guiding us into His kairos, and we also believe the watch-night prayer on the final day (Nov 11) is also God’s kairos. And He has already revealed to us too that He is going to give us things that are beyond what we ask and can imagine! Amen!

“3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”
~ Ecclesiastes ~

Since we know there is a time for everything, then the word of God also says “no one can fathom”; then how shall we respond?
We then must pray for spiritual sensitivity, to discern God’s timing, and ask that His Holy Spirit will lead us into His timing and be immersed in it…

第三十八天：11月9日(三)

谁不想发财？谁不想做有钱人？
只要不要得罪神，不用犯罪手段得着的钱财，发财或有钱并没什么不可以，甚至会有许多好处，也是神许可！
但得着财富，随之而来的可能是很多压力，或未必会享受或快乐，尤其是靠自己力量得来的财富。唯有“耶和华所赐的福，使人富足，并不加上忧虑。”（箴言10:22)

但如何才能得着这耶和华所赐的福呢？当然圣经里有好一些明显原则，但今天跟你们分享哥林多后书9章：

“9:6 少 种 的 少 收 ， 多 种 的 多 收 。 这 话 是 真 的 。
9:7 各 人 要 随 本 心 所 酌 定 的 。 不 要 作 难 ， 不 要 勉 强 ， 因 为 捐 得 乐 意 的 人 ， 是 神 所 喜 爱 的 。
9:8 神 能 将 各 样 的 恩 惠 ， 多 多 的 加 给 你 们 。 使 你 们 凡 事 常 常 充 足 ， 能 行 各 样 的 善 事 。
9:9 如 经 上 所 记 ， 他 施 舍 钱 财 ， 周 济 贫 穷 。 他 的 仁 义 存 到 永 远 。
9:10 那 赐 种 给 撒 种 的 ， 赐 粮 给 人 吃 的 ， 必 多 多 加 给 你 们 种 地 的 种 子 ， 又 增 添 你 们 仁 义 的 果 子 。
9:11 叫 你 们 凡 事 富 足 ， 可 以 多 多 施 舍 ， 就 藉 着 我 们 使 感 谢 归 于 神 。”

1）我相信在神眼中，多种或少种不在于你给的数目的大小，乃在于相比之下你保留给自己的有多少，或看你给出去的与你的收入或所拥有的比率。

2）神喜悦祝福和帮助人的心胸，而且是带着喜乐去做，不是勉强，也没有其它动机，甚至没有想到自己蒙福。

3）非常重要的是，你的善行最终带来人把感谢和荣耀归给神！

以上三点乃神要赐福给你，使你凡事富足的原则。

Day 38 : Nov 9th (Wed)

Who does not want to be prosperous? Who does not want to be a rich person?
As long as you do not sin against God or use sinful methods to get your money, there is nothing wrong to be rich, in fact there can be many advantages, and it is something God approves too!
But when you become rich, what comes along might be a lot of stress and pressure, especially wealth gotten through your own strength. But “the blessing of the LORD brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.” ( Proverbs 10:22 )

But how can we receive this blessing of the Lord? Of course there are many principles in the Bible, today I will share with you 2 Corinthians 9:

“6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.
7 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
8 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
9 As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.”
10 Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.
11 You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.”

1) I believe in God’s eyes, sowing sparingly or generously is not dependent on the figure or amount you give but rather how much you keep for yourself in comparison, or in proportion of your giving with your income or how much you own.

2) God loves a heart that loves to bless and help others, and doing it with joy, not out of compulsion, and without any other motive, not even thinking of getting blessed for oneself.

3) Very importantly, your good deeds will cause people to give thanks and glory to God ultimately!

The three points above are the principles of God’s blessing you and making you rich in every way.

第三十七天：11月8日(二)

该如何形容那种感觉？幼儿时在大年除夕期待初一的到来、年少时第一次要到海边度假的兴奋、与一群好友第一次到一个美丽的国家旅游、在机场等着思念已久的人。。。？
就是那种感觉吧，这几天内心里就有这种澎湃的感觉，现在亦是如此！

我也尝试问主说，我到底在兴奋什么？知道有好事情会发生，却不知是什么事！知道将得着我好喜欢的礼物，却又不知道那礼物是什么！带领中午祷告会的时候，终于有答案。。。

原来这答案只是回答我为什么我不知道自己在兴奋什么，而不是告诉我兴奋的是什么东西！
上帝说我不知道自己在兴奋什么，因为他要做的是一件“新事”，既然是“新”的，当然不存留在我记忆里，因此我不会知道那是什么东西。他也说他要做的是超越我所求所想的，那当然我也不会知道是什么。。。

“看哪！我要做一件新事，如今要发现，你们岂不知道吗？我必在旷野开道路，在沙漠开江河。”
～ 以赛亚书 43:19 ～

“神能照着运行在我们心里的大力，充充足足地成就一切，超过我们所求所想的。”
～ 以弗所书 3:20 ～

哇！这怎不叫人兴奋呢？
下午准备晚上要分享的“kairos”的信息时，心跳又开始加速了，所以我很确定这奇妙的事将要在11月11日我们结束禁食40天的通宵祷告时降临或开始！这心跳的感觉不仅让我联想以弗所3:20的“心里的大力”，我心里跳动的是否就是这“大力”。。。？

Day 37 : Nov 8th (Tue)

How shall I describe this feeling? Like childhood days anticipating the first day of Chinese New Year on New Year’s Eve, during my youth excited about going to the beach for a holiday for the first time, going to a beautiful country for a tour for the first time together with close friends, and waiting for someone you miss dearly at the airport…?
It is that kind of feeling, my heart has been stirring with this sensation past few days, even right now!

I also attempted to ask the Lord, what am I feeling excited about? I know something good is going to happen, but I do not what thing! I know I am going to receive a gift that I am going to love very much but I do not know what that gift is! While leading the noontime prayer session, I finally had the answer…

Actually this answer was only to answer me as to why I do not know what I am excited about, and not really telling me what the thing I am excited about exactly is!
God said I do not know what I am feeling excited about because he is going to do a “new thing”, and since it is “new”, it is of course not in my memory. Therefore I would not know what that thing is. He also said what he is going to do is beyond what I have ever asked or what I can imagine, then of course I would not know what that is…

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”
~ Isaiah 43:19 ~

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”
～ Ephesians 3:20 ～

Wow! How can I not be excited if so?

This afternoon while preparing my “kairos” message to share at night, my heart began to beat faster again, so I know for certain this wonderful thing that is going to happen will descend or start during our watch-night prayer on November 11th as we conclude our 40-day fast! This unusual heart-beat caused me to recall the “power at work within us” in Eph 3:20, is it this “power” that is pumping in my heart…?

第三十六天：11月7日(一)

早上参加邵遵澜牧师约翰福音的教导，下午1:30我主持国双的丧礼。

很安慰，看到躺在棺木里的他是“含着微笑睡去”，真的很好看；就连他还没信主的阿姨都说“很美”。。。
国双母亲一直很不舍的说“让我再看他最后一眼，让我再看他最后一眼。。。”，我告诉妈妈说你要记得他的笑容，就记得他的笑容。

那么安详含着笑容睡去，你知道他很平安，知道他一定是去到一个很安详、很美丽的地方；看到的人都会很安慰，妈妈的心情也平复了许多，这是我很安慰的。

在丧礼时我分享我家的见证，说多年前我弟弟未满九岁时就离开这世界，他小小年纪都已懂得信耶稣，只是当时爸妈还没信主。我曾经问过妈妈为什么会在弟弟去世后信主？她说其中一个原因是，她看到他躺在棺木里的脸孔，好像一个天使，含着笑容睡着了。所以，我妈妈就相信弟弟信的耶稣一定是很好、很平安的上帝，一定是带他去很美丽的地方。。。

有一些人误会我昨天的分享，以为我深陷沮丧、灰心、挫折，其实不然，我只是与哀哭的人同哀哭，感受人突然离开的难过和沉重。我对神绝对没有怀疑或动摇，况且我很羡慕国双离开时的属灵生命，和他跟主的关系。他最后的日子也学习我们禁食祷告，甚至晨祷都出席！我记得他最后一次的晨祷的时候，我在台上还看着他祷告，心想他的灵命最近真的是突飞猛进。。。然后他最后的时刻，因病了没办法来教会，还在家里躺在沙发上开电脑，陪妈妈一起看聚会现场直播，从家里跟我们一起赞美敬拜，听道时还会笑，就在那时刻呼吸他的最后一口气。。。没有痛苦、没有挣扎，在神的同在里，有最爱的妈妈在身边，这样子回天家。。。

如果我们都能类似这样子回天家，真是何等蒙福的一件事。。。

提后4:6

“我现在被浇奠，我离世的时候到了。那美好的仗我已经打过了；当跑的路我已经跑尽了；所信的道我已经守住了。”
～ 提后 4:6-7 ～

Day 36 : Nov 7th (Mon)

Attended Rev James Shao’s seminar on the book of John in the morning, I conducted Shuang’s funeral at 1:30pm.

Very comforted seeing him “sleeping with a smile” on his face in the casket, he looked good; even his aunty who is not a Christian yet said he was “beautiful”…
Shuang’s mother repeatedly said “Let me have a last look at him, let me have a last look at him…”, I told the mother to remember his smile, just to remember his smile.

So at peace, sleeping with a smile, you know he was really at rest, and you know he has gone to a very peaceful and beautiful place. Whoever saw his last look would be comforted, the mother has calmed down a lot too, this is very reassuring to me.

During the funeral, I shared my family’s testimony. I told them how many years ago my youngest brother who was not even nine left this world. He already believed in Jesus though still a kid, my parents were not Christians then. I once asked my mother why she would believe in Jesus after my brother passed away. She said one of the reasons was she saw in that tiny casket, the face of an angel sleeping with a smile on his face. Therefore, my mother believed that the Jesus my brother trusted in must be a very good peaceful God, and that Jesus must have brought him to a very beautiful place…

Some people misunderstood my sharing yesterday, thinking that I was very depressed, discouraged and feeling defeated. No, you have mistaken, I was only weeping with those who wept, feeling the sadness and heaviness of the sudden departure of someone. I certainly did not doubt God over this. Furthermore, I feel kind of envious of Shuang’s spiritual life and relationship with God at the time of his departure. He learnt to fast and pray with us during his last days, and even attended the early morning prayer sessions! I remember during his final morning prayer, I was watching him from the pulpit, thinking to myself that this guy’s spiritual life had advanced so much recently… Then in his final moment, as he could not make it to church because of illness, he was still lying on the couch at home, turning on the computer to watch our live broadcast with the mother. They joined in the praise and worship, laughed even when we joked in the midst of the sermon, and it was at that time that he breathed his last… no suffering, no struggling, in the presence of God, with the mother he loved so much beside him, he went back to be with the Lord…

If we could all go back to be with the Lord in similar situation, would not that be such a blessed thing?

“For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
~ 1 Tim 4:6-7 ~