Tag Archive - 幽默篇,男人与女人之别,sense of humour

糟了!快被我吃光了! Oh dear! Just about eaten up by me!

 

 

(***先声明以下写的只是幽默好玩,你们不要太认真。。。这世界已经很沉重,放轻松一点!哈哈哈!!)

其实每当人送我吃的东西的时候,我不会特别兴奋,除非刚好是我非常喜欢的东西,但是那个的机率很渺茫。。。
原因并不是我很挑剔,而是因为。。。

通常不可能马上吃,或吃完,因此要收起来,而我储藏空间很有限。。。
然后收起来了,我就会忘记吃。。。
忘记吃了,过期了要丢掉又会很内疚。

 

(*** Let me stress first, what you read below is mainly for humour and fun, don’t be too serious… this world is already very heavy, relax a bit! Hahaha!!)

Actually when people give me food gifts, I would not be particularly excited, unless they happen to be something I really love to eat, but the chances of that are very slim…
Well, it is not because I am very fussy, but…

Normally I cannot eat it straight away or immediately finish eating it, therefore I need to keep it and my keeping space is very limited…
Then after keeping, I would forget to eat it…
After forgetting to eat, it will expire and I would feel very guilty to throw it away…

 

 

 

不特别兴奋也因为很常收到不是我很爱吃的东西,或者说很少东西是我爱吃的,或者说我就不爱吃东西,哈哈哈!真是多事!!

Not particularly excited because many times I would receive things I do not really love to eat, or rather there are very few things that I love to eat, or rather I just do not love to eat things, hahaha! So troublesome!!

 

 

有时也担心收到很喜欢吃的,因为我们这个年龄,吃一点点就会发胖,喜欢吃的东西又会没节制的吃不停。。。

Sometimes concerned too that I might receive things I really love to eat, because at our age, we can put on weight easily just eating a little, and I may not have the discipline to stop eating when it is something I love…

 

 

那天去西马布道回来,有人送我在安顺买的饼,我一看马上没兴趣,还很不领情的说"干嘛送我这样的东西?"。。。
但后来想想,这种东西老人家会喜欢,可以转送给妈妈,所以就收下来了。。。

That day when we came back from our mission trip to West Malaysia, someone gave me some cookies bought in Teluk Intan. As soon as I saw them,  I was totally not interested and even said very unappreciatively “Why give me something like that?”…
But then I thought, the elderly like this kind of things, so I could give them to mother instead, so I decided to receive the gift…

 

 

但送妈妈也不能乱送,因为她品味很高,不容易满足她的味觉!
所以本人一定要先品尝才可以送给母亲大人。

But I have to be careful in giving mother something to eat because she has high taste, it is not easy to satisfy her taste buds!
So I myself must first try it before I could give it to Her Highness.

 

 

但因为太忙,拖了又再拖,也因为自己不太愿意吃,结果一直没拿给妈妈。。。
直到有一天肚子太饿找东西吃,看到这饼就随便拿来吃。。。
天啊!不吃则已,一吃不可收拾!一片又一片不停的吃,真的太好吃了!
若不逼自己停止,妈就没得吃了!所以今天赶快拿过去给妈妈吃。。。

But because I was too busy, I kept delaying, and also because I was unwilling to eat the cookies, as a result I still had not given them to mother…
Until one day I was feeling very hungry and looking for something to eat, I saw these cookies and just simply took one to eat…
Oh dear, once I started eating, there was no return! One piece after another piece, I did not stop eating, they were too nice!
If I did not force myself to stop, mother would not have a chance to eat them! So I quickly brought them to mother today…

 

 

哈哈,通常我不太喜欢吃这些的,但这一次真的是一个惊喜,可惜就那么一包,但也好,要不然后果不堪设想。。。哈哈!
就是这饼啦!嗯。。。这里有安顺人吗?哈哈哈!

Haha, normally I do not like to eat such things, but this time I was really pleasantly surprised but what a shame only a packet, but just as well, otherwise there would be disastrous consequences… haha!
It is these cookies! Err… is there anyone from Teluk Intan here? Hahaha!!

 

彬彬吃榴莲的怪原因。。。 Jonas’ weird reason for eating durian…

他叫彬彬,他有很多怪理论。。。
那天他匆匆忙忙带回来一些榴莲,就赶着去聚会了。临走前,没忘记喊一声:榴莲要留给我哦!
聚会完后回来,很开心一个人在那里吃我留给他的榴莲。。。他突然间冒出一句:你知道我为什么喜欢吃榴莲吗?

His name is Jonas, he has many weird theories…
That day he brought home some durian, then rushed off to his cell-group meeting, but not forgetting to shout out just before he left: Leave some durian for me!
Came home after the meeting, eating the durian I left for him alone happily… he suddenly asked me: Do you know why I like to eat durian?

我:为什么?
彬彬:因为我很喜欢喝吃榴莲过后的盐水。
我:那不会干脆直接泡盐水来喝,何必等吃榴莲过后!
彬彬:我妈妈不肯。
我:。。。。。。。。

(好一个奇怪的家庭。。。。。)

Me: Why?
Jonas: Because I love to drink the salt water after eating durian.
Me: Then why don’t you just mix some salt water to drink directly, there is no need to eat durian first!
Joans: My mother doesn’t allow that.
Me:……………..

(What a weird family…………..)

 

如果我是驾驶员。。。 If I were a driver…

眨看这公车,你可能没觉得什么特别,可你越靠近,再加上有观察力的话,就会看到有趣的东西。。。

At a glance, this bus does not appear to have anything special, but if you get closer and if you are observant, you would notice something interesting…

 

那些眼力好,自认很有观察力,而且不能被挑战的一定很努力在看了,哈哈。。。
有没有看到什么啊?要不要我再靠近一点?
好吧,我们再靠近巴士车一点吧。。。

Those with good eye-sight and full of the confidence that you are very observant, and cannot stand any challenge, must be watching very closely now, haha…
So have you noticed anything? Shall we get closer?
Ok, let’s get closer to the bus…

 

哇,现在太明显了。。。
什么?有些人还没看到什么东西??
那就再靠近一点。。。

Now, that is very obvious…
What? Some still have not noticed anything??
Then let’s get even closer…

 

若还是看不清楚,那我就冒险更靠近一点,但这样靠近也太危险了吧。。。
看到了没有?知道驾驶员是谁吗?哈哈。。。

If still not clear, then let me take a big risk to get closer, but it is really dangerous to be so close…
Saw it? Know who the driver is? Haha…
( For those who don’t read Chinese, on the lower right is written the bus driver’s name, and that’s my name!! )

 

 

哈哈哈。。。这是我一位很特别的朋友在台湾公路拍到的。。。
很巧吧?
我在想,我这朋友看到时有什么感觉和感想或感动。。。?
神有没有说什么?哈哈!

Hahaha… this picture was taken by a very special friend on the highway in Taiwan…
Such a coincidence, right?
Am thinking, upon seeing this, what went through my friend’s thought, feeling and heart…?
Did God say anything? Haha!

 

有时候人真的是同名不同命。。。
我不是公车司机,但我却是灵魂的司机。。。
但愿我能把每个搭乘我的列车的灵魂载到最闪亮光明及快乐的地方。。。

Sometimes really, people can have the same name but totally different lives…
I am not a bus driver, but I am a driver of souls…
May I be able to bring every soul who gets on my bus to the brightest and happiest place ever…

黑是“man”,白是“娘”? Dark is “macho” and fair is “feminine”?

真的,随着时代的改变,人的观念、品味、偏好等等很可能也会随之改变。。。
记得在我中学,甚至大学那些年代,皮肤白皙的男生总会给人一种很娘或很弱的感觉。
所以,当时我是故意把自己晒得黑黑,甚至有时候故意穿着短裤和背心,在中午十二点烈日之下把自己晒黑!

It is true, as time changes, people’s values, tastes, preferences etc may change along with time too…
I remember during my high school or even university years, guys with fair skin gave the impression of femininity or weakness. So during that period of time, I often went under the sun to get my skin tanned severely on purpose. Sometimes I would even purposely go under the sun at 12 noon in shorts and singlet to make myself dark!

再加上到纽西兰留学时,洋人又特别喜欢我们那种被太阳“烧焦”的古铜色,而他们却偏偏晒不成那种颜色,所以我就喜欢让洋人看到我的很阳光和“健康美丽”的肤色。。。

Furthermore when I was studying in New Zealand, the Caucasians somehow liked our scorched copper tone colour as they could never get that colour no matter how long they spent under the sun. So I loved to let the whites see my very sunshine, “healthy and beautiful” skin colour…

当有人说我很黑时,我听了是很高兴;尽管他们不是赞赏,而是很负面的觉得我太黑不好看,我依然感觉他们是在称赞我。就如同现今很多人若被讲“太瘦”,听起来都不会被得罪,还会觉得很高兴一样,哈哈!

反之,在那个时代若有人讲我皮肤很白,我会很不舒服和尴尬,觉得他们是在讥笑我“娘”。。。。

If anyone commented that I was really dark, I would feel very happy even if they were actually saying it negatively as a criticism that I did not look nice because I was too dark, I would still feel that it was a compliment. This is quite similar to now when some people say you are “too thin”, you would not feel offended no matter how, and still feel happy, haha!

Conversely, during that period of time, if anyone had said that my skin colour was very fair, I would have felt very embarrassed and awkward feeling that they were criticizing me for being feminine…

 

说真的,我也不太清楚我的皮肤到底是“黑底”,还是“白底”。。。你们觉得呢?
Honestly, I am not very sure whether my original skin colour was more on the dark or fair side… what do you guys think?

 

可是现在时代改变了,男孩子皮肤很白早已经被接受,而且很多男生都刻意要使肌肤变白,被人讲白也不会感觉羞耻,还会很高兴。。。除了审美观、品味、思想改变之外,这也由于知识上晓得过份被烈日曝晒对皮肤也不好。

皮肤或黑或白,没有对错,只是个人偏好、文化、观点等等,这种观念可随着时代的变化而改变,以前不被接受的现在被接受,以前认为是不对的,现在认为并没什么问题。这种例子包括:妻子也上班啦、男人也可以洗衣煮饭啦、穿牛仔裤啦、染发啦等等(以前我是反对染发的,哈哈!)。。。

But nowadays time has changed, people readily accept guys with fair skin and many guys try to make their skin fairer on purpose, and guys would not feel embarrassed but instead feel happy when people comment they look fair…
Apart from the change of beauty views, tastes and thinking, of course the knowledge of direct exposure to the scorching sun is unhealthy for the skin is also a factor to this change…

There is no right or wrong whether your skin is dark or fair, it is just a matter of preferences, culture or opinions etc. This kind of thinking can change with time. What were not accepted before can be accepted now, what were considered as wrong before may not be any issue now. Some examples are: wives are allowed to have a career too, men can also cook and do the washing, wearing jeans, dyeing hair etc (I used to oppose dyeing of hair, haha!)…

 

我本身认为有一些东西是中立的,没有对错之分,只是时代改变,随着知识和思想的进步,有一些东西是可以被接受为正常和没问题的,只要不冲突到真理和神的原则。

然而,我的立场是有一些东西是永远都要持守的,不管时代怎样变迁,只要是神的话明确不赞成的,我们就不能妥协,譬如婚前性关系、色情文化等等。。。这些都有明显上帝准则,对错与黑白分明,无论社会进展到什么地步,我们都不能抛弃这些价值观。。。你赞成吗?

Personally I feel certain things are neutral, there is no right or wrong. As time changes, knowledge and thinking advance, certain things can be accepted as normal and alright, as long as they do not conflict with God’s Truth and principles.

However my stand is there are things we have to safeguard forever, no matter how time has changed, as long as the Word of God clearly disapproves, then we must not compromise, such as premarital sex, pornographic culture etc… All these have clear standards from God, telling you whether it is right or wrong, and black and white clearly spelled out. So, no matter how advanced society is, we must not abandon these values still… do you agree?

 

 

那就叫 “perasan”。。。 Now that is called “perasan”…

记得有一次在洗礼课,我跟新信徒分享有关我喉咙出状况的见证。我提到我已经很难过与困惑我的喉咙严重失声许久,也无法再持续唱歌。我告诉他们上帝很怜悯我,因为就在那个时候他派一位牧师介绍我医治喉咙的秘方,即把鼠尾草煲成又苦又浓的汁用以每天漱口或喝下去。但我说那位是新加坡的牧师,回到古晋我不知在哪里找鼠尾草。

洗礼课程结束时,有一位阿姨就兴致勃勃上来问我鼠尾草怎么写,她说她要去找。。。我听了很感动因为她只不过是一位新信徒,竟然已经会想到要祝福牧师!
正当我望着她,等她继续说更感动的话时,她说:牧师,谢谢你的分享!我要去找这鼠尾草,因为我的喉咙也是已经沙哑很久了,我要试试看能医好我的喉咙吗。。。

说完就走掉了。。。我楞在那里,幸好我还没跟她说谢谢,要不然那可糗了。。。

那就叫“perasan”…

I remember once in the baptismal class, I was sharing with the new believers my testimony regarding my throat and vocal condition. I mentioned I was very desperate and perplexed as I had lost my voice for a long time and I could not carry on singing anymore. I told them God was very merciful to me because just at the right time He sent a pastor to introduce a cure for my throat, that is to boil the herb sage into very thick and bitter juice and use it to gargle or drink it each day. But I said that was a Singaporean pastor so I did not know where to look for sage in Kuching.

After the class had ended, an aunty very excitedly came forward to ask me the writing of sage in Chinese, she said she would go and look for it… I was so touched as I listened to her since she was only a new Christian and already she was thinking of blessing the pastor!
As I looked at her waiting for her to say some more touching words, she said: Pastor, thanks for sharing this, I’m going to look for this sage because my throat has been very bad for a while, I want to see whether this sage can really cure my condition…

And she turned to leave after saying that… I was stunned for a while there, just as well I had not said “thank you” to her, otherwise that would have been so embarrassing…

Now that is called “perasan”…

看到我,他惊慌失措! He panicked upon seeing me!

有没有那种感觉,有时候见到一个人,我们会惊慌失措,身体出现怪异小动作尽流露我们紧张的心情,然后IQ突然降低,开始语无伦次。。。?

有人说我常使人出现那种状况。。。不!不要误会!不是因为我魅力无法挡,或帅到让人不能有正常反应!你们也知道绝对不是那个原因!而真正原因是,唉!因为我“杀气”太重,让人有一股很“畏惧”的感觉。。。

朋友说我该检讨原因何在。。。后来多数结论把问题怪在我的浓眉上,还建议我把眉毛剃掉或修掉!但不行啊,很多时候不能用口或手时,我需要用到我的眉毛向同工或助理指示一些工作需要。。。

Ever had that feeling, sometimes when we see someone, we will start to panic and weird little actions from our body will betray our anxiety, then our IQ will suddenly drop and we become incoherent in our speech…?

Some people say I tend to cause people to become like that… No! Don’t misunderstand me! It is NOT because I am irresistibly charming or so stunningly good-looking to cause them to behave abnormally! You all would know that is definitely not the reason too! The true reason is, sigh! It is because of my “over-bearing fierceness”, and that gives them a kind of “respectful fear”…

Friends ask me to examine myself as to what the reason is… but most come into the conclusion that the culprit is my thick eye-brows and they suggest that I should shave off or at least trim my eye-brows! But I cannot do that because many times when I cannot use my mouth or hands, I need to use my eye-brows to instruct my staff and assistants what to do…

 

话说那天,初为人父的他要求我帮他儿子取名字,我也很努力的想和祷告,结果想了一个名字,被他拒绝了!原因是,他说有点像马来名。。。我也不能怪他,因为那毕竟是一个希伯来名,老实说我也不太确定如何发音。。。既然如此,我也忙,就说那他自己取名字好了。。。

要知道,我们的这些沟通都是透过他的组长,而不是跟我直接交流。。。组长也责备他说,牧师那么忙还那么认真帮你想了那么好的名字,你竟然拒绝!我想他也觉得很不好意思,但还是决定不要用我给的名字。。。

The story begins with the new dad asking me to help name his new born son. So I was very serious in thinking and praying for a name, and finally I came up with a name, but he rejected it! Reason being, he said it sounds like a Malay name… well, I can’t really blame him as it is a Hebrew name and honestly I am not very sure about the pronunciation too… Well, since he did not want and I was very busy too, so I asked him to think of another name himself…

You must know that all these were communicated through his leader, he did not talk to me personally… His leader kind of rebuked him saying: Our pastor is so busy and yet so kind to think of a name for your son and yet you rejected the name!
I think he felt quite bad about it too, but he still decided not to use the name…

礼拜天散会时,刚好我在大门口跟他碰个正着!我全然出于关心的问说结果孩子名字取了吗?
我看得出他很紧张,脸有点红,有点吞吞吐吐的说:取了,是妈妈取的。。。
然后他就说洋名叫 Zacchaeus (即圣经人物“撒该”的英文翻译。其实我也蛮喜欢这个名字)。。。然后,他就很认真的告诉我说 Zacchaeus 就是圣经里面那个爬上桑树要看耶稣的矮子。我感觉很有趣他需要告诉他的牧师撒该是谁,所以我就作弄他,向他鞠躬道谢说:谢谢你告诉我撒该是谁,谢谢!谢谢!

他顿时脸变得通红,觉得很不好意思。。。大夥儿也大笑一场。。。

回到家,我从 Facebook 收到他寄过来的简讯,他说:

“嗨!牧师。。。我觉得很不好意思因为刚才在教会对你说的话好像是侮辱了你的智慧!像你这种美貌与智慧并重的人,哪里可能会不知道Zacchaeus这 个名,我还真是多此一举去解释,真下衰。。。虽然你心胸宽大,一定不会为这种芝麻绿豆小事放在心上,但还是要跟你说一声不好意思~谢啦~”

我读了真的是笑出来了,太可爱了,哈哈!

Sunday, after service, I bumped into him at the door! With pure concern I asked him, so have you decided on your son’s name?
He seemed very nervous, somewhat blushing and stammering, he said: yes, already, my mother named the baby…
He proceeded to tell me it’s Zacchaeus (actually I kind of like this name too)… then he went on to tell me rather seriously that Zacchaeus was the name of that short guy who climbed up the sycamore tree to see Jesus. I was kind of amused that he should tell his pastor who Zacchaeus was, so I teased him by bowing my head and said: Thank you, thank you! Thanks for telling me who Zacchaeus was…

Immediately he turned red and felt very embarrassed… and everybody laughed…

When I reached home, I saw a message he left in my Facebook that read:
“Hi, Pastor… I feel very embarrassed that I was like insulting your intelligence just now at church! For someone like you with a combination of beauty and wisdom, why would you not know who Zacchaeus was! I was really doing the unnecessary to explain, so “sia-soi” (embarrasssing)… Though I know you have a big heart and you wouldn’t hold this against me, I must still apologize to you~ thanks~ ”

I really laughed when I read that, so very cute, haha!

 

Zacchaeus,欢迎来到这世界,你爸爸真的是很可爱!
Welcome to the world, Zacchaeus, you have a very cute daddy!

 

 

男人眼中的女人 (开玩笑罢了)… Women as perceived by men (just for a laugh)…

以下是一些男人眼中的女人,只是开开玩笑,幽一下默。。。太严肃的人最好不要看。。。

The following is a “collection” of some men’s views on women. This is just for a laugh, have a sense of humour… if you are too serious a person, then better not see…

工程师的看法。。。Engineers’ view…

数学专家的看法。。。  Mathematicians’ view…

经济学者的看法。。。  Economists’ view…

老公专卖店 Husbands for sale

我的好朋友007李牧师寄给我这篇文章(不知道哪里弄来的),我觉得真的很幽默,可能也有几分真实,所以把它翻译成中文跟大家分享。。。男人读了会开怀大笑,女人读了千万不要太生气,当作是开玩笑就好。。。哈哈哈哈!

My good friend, Pastor James Bond Billy Lee sent me this article (don’t know where he got it from), I find it very humourous and perhaps to some extent quite true, so I translated it into Chinese and posted it here to share with you all… Men will laugh heartily after reading, but hopefully women will not be too mad, just take it as a joke… Hahahaha!

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老公专卖店  ( Husbands for Sale )

某家专门售卖老公的商店刚在纽约市开张,任何一位未嫁的女子都可以到那里选货,买个老公回家。。。
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where an unmarried woman may go to choose and buy a husband to bring home…

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商店门口清楚指示:“一个人规定只可以光顾这店一次!”
这店总共有六层楼,所售卖的男人的品质和优点也随着每层楼上升。。。但有一个条件是:在任何一层你都可以选你所要的老公,若不然你可以选择再上一层楼;然而一上去了,就不可以再下来挑之前看过的。。。走完就是出口了,没有办法再走下来之前到过的底层!

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: “You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!”
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch …. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

话说有个女子来这店光顾,希望买到一个理想老公。。。
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…

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她到了第一层时。。。
第一层门口的告示牌这样写着:“这里的男士都有工作,个个都爱主!”
She comes to the first floor…
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: “Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord!”

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她打算上第二楼。。。
第二层的告示牌写着:“这里的男士都有工作,个个都爱主,也爱小孩!”
She decides to go to the second floor…
The second floor sign reads: “Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids!”

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再上一层楼。。。
第三层的告示牌写着:“这里的男士都有工作,个个都爱主,也爱小孩,而且长得很好看!”
“哇!”她不经意的发出一声轻叹,但是里面有一股很强烈的感动一定要更上一层楼。。。
Up another floor…
The third floor sign reads: “Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good looking!”
“Wow!” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going…

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所以她再上到第四层。。。
第四层的告示牌写着:“这里的男士都有工作,个个都爱主,也爱小孩,而且长得叫人窒息的超级帅,又会帮忙做家务!”
“哦,求主怜悯!”她惊叹!“我几乎受不了了!”。。。So she goes to the fourth floor…
The fourth floor sign reads: “Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework!”
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”…

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虽然如此,她还是充满信心的继续上到第五层。。。
第五层的告示牌说:“这里的男士都有工作,个个都爱主,也爱小孩,而且长得叫人窒息的超级帅,又会帮忙做家务,而且也非常浪漫!”
看了第五层的告示牌,她真的很被吸引就留在这一层吧,但最后还是决定再上到最后的第六层。。。
Still, she goes to the fifth floor with great faith…
The fifth floor sign reads: “Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak!”
After reading the fifth floor sign, she is so tempted to stay here, but finally she decides to go up just one more floor to the sixth floor…

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第六层的告示牌这样写着:“你是第4,363,012拜访这一层的顾客,这一层没有老公出售。这一层存在的目的只是为了证明女人是无法满足的!谢谢您光顾老公售卖店!出去时请注意台阶,祝你平安!”
The sixth floor sign reads: “Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please! Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store!  Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!”

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哈哈哈哈!很好笑吧?姐妹们,如果是你,你会停在哪一层啊?我想全部大概也会爬到第六层吧!哈哈哈哈哈。。。。
Hahahaha! Very funny, right? Sisters, if it were you, which floor would you have stopped? I bet all will reach the sixth floor too! Hahahahaha…..

但请注意!!!相片只是公司广告样本,相中人也非本公司售卖产品,谢谢!!
But PLEASE NOTE!!! The photos are just samples for advertisement, persons in the photos are strictly not our company’s products, thank you very much!!