Tag Archive - 幽默篇,humourous story

大熱門高偉宏沒進入決賽??? Hot favourite David Koh not in the final???



Reliable sources say the hot favourite, writer of “The harp and the censer” mighty leader Koh, dearly called Brother Red, the most loved and supported leader of the youths is not in the final!!!
Is this information reliable? According to the source, he is Koh is said to be one of the two forced to withdraw from the competition! The reason is simple, for fear that he might become too “red” (popular) thus threatening the position of the boss behind this competition!
As for who this boss behind the scene is, sorry it is not convenient to reveal…



Our reporter attempted to contact Brother Red to confirm this shocking news but his mobile phone is not on and both his daughters, Laetitia and Trixie refused to answer any question too…
We suspect he must be devastated by this and avoid talking about this topic or he has been ordered to shut his mouth!



Besides, there is another news saying the other confirmed finalist being forced to withdraw is Henry Chong, nicknamed iGeek, reason being he really resembles the mix of Stephen Chow and Jeremy Lin Zhi Ying, if he is in, he will become a major distraction of the competition!
Our reporter dared not call him for fear that we might get scolded as he does not like to answer calls… but we will try to extract information from his daughter, Ricca~



This competition really suffers onslaught after onslaught, so many rumours and assumptions…
Or perhaps the competition results are already know before the competition even starts?
Or may be they have already fixed the guy who wrote “We sing loud”, Skinny Meng as the champion?



Would all these negative news affect the rating of the programme? Would the youths boycott the final altogether?
This series of sudden incidences have taken the organizers by surprise or did they mastermind all this themselves???
Do not worry, we would pursue every clue and evidence, when we have the information, we will report unreservedly to you all!
Please stay logged into www.gtlim.com, the most reliable source comes from here, do not listen to other unsubstantiated news or sources!

超级搞怪!真受不了!! Super crazy! Can’t stand him!!


This is our Apple Genie, Hen, to say he is the Stephen Chow of Kuching is really not over-exaggerating…
Look at that face, wonder what he is thinking in his mind!




The whole month when everyone was training hard for the race, he did not appear. Then suddenly on the last two days, he released news that he had already trained well to hold on tightly to the other runners’ legs so they could not run…
Always very good at coming up with crazy ideas!
Look at which direction he was running…




Then “bang” it went!
Look at him! Really can’t stand him!
Everyone would laugh and who could still have the strength to run? Very cunning! Hahahaha!!!


他们是飞鹰队,口号是“We are Eagles WIN! You are chicken wings!!”
主题歌是:teng teng teng teng teng…..

Their team is called “The Eagles” and their slogan is “We are Eagles WIN! You are chicken wings!!”
Their theme song is: teng teng teng teng teng….


This is their leader YB Chee Yong, real funny guy too!


隐藏才华被发掘。。。 Hidden talent explored…


It was said, environment can transform a person, and it can also motivate your hidden talent…
That day, at KL LCCT, this came to pass on me!
Who would have thought I am actually a talented fly-terminator? If I did not show them, I would never have been noticed…





That day, because we had a few hours to wait for our flight back to Kuching, we went to the shop for some coffee…
Hard to imagine such an important and tourists frequented place could have so many flies covering the tables!
Initially, we only waved our hands to scare the flies away, but they soon returned again… and I could not stand it!
I was amazed at how easily other people, including my companions so easily adjusted and accepted such unwanted company swarming around you…

There was no fly-traps in the shop, I asked my youth to go ask the staff for some fly swat or whatever, he came back empty-handed…
So I asked Jonas to go buy some newspaper which I was going to roll into a “stick” that I could use as a fly swat!
The result… please see my achievement! Within a short period of less than 20 minutes…
I used Nanyang Daily…





Some think I am too free, or too bored till I “killed flies”… I was not, ok?! I was doing the community some good!
Some may think I am very cruel for killing innocent lives… but do you know how dirty flies are and they are disease-carriers? Can’t imagine why flies ought to be protected…

Next, for those who are interested in doing the community some good, I will be generous in sharing my fly-terminating technique…
Observe the following pictures carefully, and please also take note of my stare and body posture, those are crucial…


Step 1: Buy yourself Nanyang Daily, roll into shape, look for your target…


Step 2: Aim at your target, stare fiercely, do not soften your heart…


(与Megan Fox在”Transformers”清理她单车雷同的姿势完全是碰巧,绝无模仿或抄袭。。。)

Step 3: Hit with much strength, but must be the right strength as we must leave the corpse intact… make sure your shirt is not too short or it is unsightly to over-expose yourself…
(The similar posture with Megan Fox cleaning her motorbike in “Transformers” is purely coincidental, definitely no imitation or copying…)



We mentioned that the strength must be right to preserve an intact corpse is with a purpose…
Because the environment has motivated yet another hidden talent, i.e. Zhao’s special art: Design of dead flies


因这整个感人事件是发生在亚航廉航机场,所以为了纪念,阿兆把死苍蝇设计成亚航的口号字眼“FLY”。。。即,“Now everyone can FLY”的意思,很创意吧?

Because this entire touching incident happened at Air Asia’s LCCT, so in remembrance, Zhao designed the dead flies into the word “FLY” taken form Airasia’s slogan “Now everyone can FLY”, very creative, right?
And hopefully Airasia will also do something about the FLY-infestation…

那就叫 “perasan”。。。 Now that is called “perasan”…





I remember once in the baptismal class, I was sharing with the new believers my testimony regarding my throat and vocal condition. I mentioned I was very desperate and perplexed as I had lost my voice for a long time and I could not carry on singing anymore. I told them God was very merciful to me because just at the right time He sent a pastor to introduce a cure for my throat, that is to boil the herb sage into very thick and bitter juice and use it to gargle or drink it each day. But I said that was a Singaporean pastor so I did not know where to look for sage in Kuching.

After the class had ended, an aunty very excitedly came forward to ask me the writing of sage in Chinese, she said she would go and look for it… I was so touched as I listened to her since she was only a new Christian and already she was thinking of blessing the pastor!
As I looked at her waiting for her to say some more touching words, she said: Pastor, thanks for sharing this, I’m going to look for this sage because my throat has been very bad for a while, I want to see whether this sage can really cure my condition…

And she turned to leave after saying that… I was stunned for a while there, just as well I had not said “thank you” to her, otherwise that would have been so embarrassing…

Now that is called “perasan”…

例外人,祖,有个秘密。。。 The Remnant Jaydon has a secret…

This is The Remnant Jaydon, very handsome, right?

But Jaydon has a secret that many of you or perhaps all, do not know…

He will not tell you guys himself…

Wow! What secret? You all do not know, right?

Want me to tell you secretly…?

Has got something to do with this photo… hehehe…

But that depends on how interested you really are to know… if less than 30 “people” leaving comments, that will show you guys are not so interested, and also Jaydon is not that popular after all, so I will not be revealing then…

高分贝拔刀相助。。。 High DB Koh giving a helping hand…

Though I do not really sing that well, due to the fact that I have released ten or so albums, many people tend to ask me to teach them how to sing… the truth is, how would I know how to teach people to sing? But this time, with the help of my mighty Youth leader, Mr. High DB Geoff David Koh who has musical talents, composing and performing skills and beauty all rolled into one, many people’s dreams of learning how to sing will come true!

It is no easy feat to learn how to sing, it demands your time, energy and concentration, but our Mighty Youth leader is so willing to impart to you the right singing technique, and so willing to let this tough lesson be recorded for your easy reference and practice at home yourselves…

So are you all ready?

First, you must understand, to sing well, the shape of your mouth is most important! With the right shape of your mouth, then your voice can come out with perfect tone and diction…
So please watch the shape of my mouth!

来唱个 “Ahhh…”
Let’s sing an “Ahhh…”

现在 “Ohh…”
Now “Ohh…”

接下来 “Uuu…”
Next “Uuu…”

很好,最后来个 “Eee…”
Very good, finally give me an “Eee…”

Great achievement! As you are learning so seriously, I feel very happy even if it is very exhausting…

Hahaha! Dear Mr. Mighty David, please don’t be mad at us for the fun… Here, look, below is a very handsome photo of yours indeed, very nice hairstyle, haha…

还记得祖去年的生日故事吗? Remember Jaydon’s birthday story last year?


Before you realized, it is Oct 16th again, one year has passed and it is Jaydon’s birthday again! He was in Singapore last year, the following is the story I published last year concerning his birthday surprise so you can “recollect” how great my love is, haha!
But now he is in Taiwan, and what did I do for him this time?… well, you can always ask him, haha!

去年的故事。。。(炒冷饭,哈哈!)/  Last year’s story… (eating leftover, haha!)

最近因太忙碌,加上英语说的” out of sight,out of mind ” ( 简翻:没在这里,就忘记你 ),所以差一点把祖的生日给忘了。。。一直到生日前两天才惊觉什么都没给他计划或准备!








跟 我讲话的招待员都吓得跳起来,哈哈!我却无动于衷,以一口美国腔英语很冷静的对他说:Excuse me, do I know you? I think you must have mistaken me for someone… (译: 对不起,我认识你吗?我看你认错人了。。。)







Because I have been very busy recently, plus “out of sight, out of mind”, so I almost forgot about Jaydon’s birthday… until two days before then I realised I hadn’t prepared or planned anything for him!

All of a sudden I couldn’t think of what to give him as a present, so I thought since there are so many budget air tickets nowadays, perhaps I should just fly over to Singapore for a day to surprise him…

My staff, Xiao Wei greatly encouraged me to do so ( may be less pressure if pastor isn’t around ), so I decided to buy the ticket for the 16th, Jaydon’s actual birthday to fly over…

I contacted a Singaporean pastor who is as crazy as me to help me track down Jaydon’s whereabout and activities that day, reminding him millions of times not to let anyone know I was coming, because an additional person knowing means additional risk of secret being leaked… I don’t wish to waste my effort and air tickets money…

In Kuching, only my staff, Xiao Wei knew, she would never leak it to anyone as she treasures her life; another person who knew was Remnant Daniel, he sent me to the airport, he would definitely keep the secret too ‘cos he is a person just too lazy to open his mouth…

I arrived at Singapore at about 8:15pm, my crazy good friend, Pastor Lee was already at the airport waiting for me, looking like a very pro James Bond, he told me he had tracked down Jaydon’s whereabout… he was celebrating with a few friends in a coffee bar, so we drove towards there…

From outside the coffee bar I could see Jaydon clearly, talking and laughing with his friends… very good, everything went according to our script…

Jaydon was sitting right in front of the counter, facing the counter… I acted like a normal customer walking very naturally to the counter to talk to the waiter… Jaydon noticed this person’s back somehow seemed so similar to his pastor’s, so he kept staring at me; finally he couldn’t resist it so he came towards me to have a good look, and he suddenly exclaimed very loudly: Pastor! Why are you here?!

The waiter talking to me jumped with fright, haha! But I was indifferent, and said to him calmly with American accent: Excuse me, do I know you? I think you must have mistaken me for someone else…

But of course Jaydon was very certain it was me, so he didn’t retreat and said: Come on, pastor, stop pretending! Why are you here?!

At that moment, I suddenly sang: Happy birthday to you~…

Because that whole day I did not contact him at all, and I purposely did not send him any greeting etc, so he suddenly held me very tightly and said: I thought you have forgotten it’s my birthday today… at that he broke down and cried and wet my shoulders…

Isn’t that very touching?

Arrgh! Forget it! That was supposed to be the original script! The truth is, some people just won’t follow the script!!! So that was not Jaydon’s reaction at all!!!

Then what was Jaydon’s actual reaction?




可 是我却注意到一件事情,祖的朋友都看见我了,他们也认识我,可是竟然没有一个有惊讶的眼神!后来才知道除了祖之外,他们都知道我会来!!!天啊, 不是说好不能让人知道的吗?007李牧师解释说一定要让其中一位知道才能知道他们在哪里啊。。。但他说那一位答应说绝不会让其他人知道的,后来其他人告诉 我他都让他们知道了!!唉,人啊。。。












终于受不了了,把菜单放下,他还在跟朋友有说有笑!因为他的电话”silent mode” (静音),不知道有简讯进来!我真气炸了!
















“From outside the coffee bar I could see Jaydon clearly, talking and laughing with his friends… very good, everything went according to our script… Jaydon was sitting right in front of the counter, facing the counter… I acted like a normal customer walking very naturally to the counter to talk to the waiter…” all these are true!

But after that Jaydon did not follow the script anymore! So let’s continue the story from here…

My heart was pounding fast, feeling nervous because I was standing right in front of him, but thank goodness he did not look up as yet, I still had some parts to act…

But I noticed one thing, Jaydon’s friends all saw me, and they all know me too but none was surprised at all! Later I was told apart from Jaydon, they all knew I was coming!!! My goodness! I thought this was supposed to be a top secret? Pastor James Bond Lee explained that he must let one of them know then he could find out where they were going… But he said that one person had promised he would not let the others know, later the others told me that person did let all of them know!! Sigh, human…

Oh well, at least Jaydon still did not know! So I continued to act… Standing at the counter, the waiter asked me what I wanted, I did not answer because I was concentrating on Jaydon’s reaction from the mirror’s reflection…

He looked up! And looked down again to talk to his friends… He looked up again! And looked down again to talk to his friends!!

The waiter asked again: Sir, can I help you?

Me: Err… I want some coffee…

Waiter: Having here or takeaway?

Me: Err… here, here…

Waiter: Then can you please find a seat to sit down?

So I started making big movements in front of Jaydon, and he still did not look up! My fire was beginning to burn…

But as a professional actor, I must not let my mood affect my acting, I must continue to perform well… I walked to the table to his right and sat down facing him… still he did not look over…

I thought, no choice, I must adapt quickly and rewrite my script! Just as well we are good at spontaneous accommodation, I sent a text message to him: “Someone from our church said he saw you in a coffee bar, I think you might know him too, look to your right…”

After sending that message, I gave thanks for my quick adjustment to crisis! The new script caused me to feel excited again… I took the menu to half-cover my face, so that when he looked over he would be very curious whose face was behind that menu… Don’t you think I’m very good at creating atmosphere?

My hands were growing tired… at least 5 minutes had passed, even the waiter ignored me now, I was still waiting for Jaydon’s reaction…
Finally I couldn’t stand it, I put down the menu, he was still talking and laughing with friends! Because his handphone was on silent mode, he did not know there was a text message coming in! I just about exploded!

But you all know that like a cockroach, I don’t die easily, write another script!

Then with even bigger movements I walked to the counter again, by now all Jaydon’s friends were already feeling a bit awkward for me, imagine how embarrassing it must have been for me!

This time I even very openly talked to the people same table with him! Yet he did not notice my existence!

Again no choice, by now they said they wanted to give thanks for the food, so everybody shut their eyes, and quickly they asked me to sit directly in front of Jaydon, so when he opened his eyes, it would be impossible that he could not see me!

This is the scene all of you have been waiting for… Jaydon’s real reaction!!

After the prayer, everybody said: Amen!

Jaydon looked up… I was staring at him… he looked at me… with puzzled eyes… he looked at me… with puzzled eyes…
finally he spoke…

With a very normal tone, not a bit of excitement or surprise element, very mildly and sheepishly said: Why are you here?

Just like that!! Yes, just like that!!

At this moment, I had the urge to write another script, a violent one, to give him a box in the face! But remembering my image as a pastor, I can’t act in such a movie, so I just let it be…

But honestly, normally someone very good at responding to unpredictable situations, this time I surrendered, I did not know how to respond, I did not know what to say, I did not know what to do next, because all this was just too far from my original script…

Oh, by the way, we have forgotten about the other actor in this movie, Pastor James Bond Lee who drove me there, where was he all this while? Well, for all that long time, he was still hiding outside because looking from outside, he could not quite follow the progress of the movie inside, so he did not dare to come in! Hahaha! That’s so hilarious! ( He naturally already has a very comical look, see photo below…)

If you were I, what reaction would you have? Honestly, at that time, I was not feeling very comfortable inside, I felt everything was so meaningless, how could a person be so dumb? Displaying myself in front of him for all that time and he did not even notice my existence! Really wasted my effort, air ticket, time, energy…

But what to do? Some people are just like that, can’t expect everyone to be like me… sigh!

This is Jaydon’s reaction, are you satisfied? I believe many who know him would agree and confirm this would be his actual reaction…


1) 他真的无法理解我为什么会突然间出现,他没说话因为一直在想这个问题。。。(到第二天还一直问我们为什么会知道他在那边!哎哟,这种小儿科我们都搞不定,我和007李牧师还能做牧师吗?!)

2) 他那天太累了所以无法有反应。。。

3) 他感觉好像是假的或在做梦。。。

4) 我觉得这个才是最真实的:他一时无法转台,原来他也有他的剧本!因为我一整天都还没发任何祝福他生日快乐的简讯给他,他说就连某某某和某某某,跟他都不是 很亲的都会记得他的生日,怎么我竟然忘记了呢?!眼看剩下两小时半就十二点生日过了,他已气在心头一整天,已预备好在十二点发一则很不满和受伤的简讯给 我。。。哪知道令伯竟然突然间出现在他眼前!情绪一时扭转不过来。。。


Later he did explain the reasons for his reaction:

1) He really could not comprehend how I could suddenly appear like that, he did not speak ‘cos he was pondering about this question all the time… ( till the next day he was still asking me how I knew where he was! Oh, come on, if we could not even handle such a minor assignment, can Pastor James Bond Lee and I still be pastors?!)

2) He was very tired that night so he could not react…

3) He felt it was unreal or he was in a dream…

4) I feel this one is the real reason: He could not switch his channel suddenly because he had his own script too! Because I did not send him any birthday greeting at all that whole day, he said even so and so, and so and so, people not so close to him could remember his birthday, how could I forget his birthday?! And only two and a half hours left to 12 midnight and his birthday would be over, he was feeling angry throughout the day already, and had already prepared to send a text message of anger and hurt to me as soon as  the clock struck twelve… But unexpectedly Uncle GT suddenly appeared in front of him! So he could not adjust to the sudden change of moods…

Sigh… it is really not easy to be a pastor nowadays…

三个例外人在跳,还有一个在哪里? 3 Remnant members jumping, where was the other one?





Look at the photos below again, we know there are four Remnant members, but if you look closely, you would notice only three were doing the jumping act, where was the other one? And who is the missing one?

I know you all will think yourselves very clever by answering hastily and simply saying “he was taking the photos for them, what else?”… Really? Then why didn’t he take all three at one go instead of just having two persons in each photo each time?

I say, it looks like the people in the photos took turns to take the photos, that is why you only see two persons each time; if that is the case, then where was the 4th Remnant? What was he doing?

Leave some comments to see whether you can guess right…

这两个是谁?Who are these two?


同样的两个人。。。The same two guys again…


第三位也出现了!  The 3rd guy appeared!


Jaydon seems to be getting fiercer and more aggresive, I suspect he is getting addicted to the jumping game…
Jumping like crazy on railway track, very bad demonstartion, children must not imitate!


Then where was the 4th guy? Why didn’t he join in the jump? What was he doing?
( The answer is not he was taking the pictures! )

田圣他没跳,因为。。。 Daniel was not jumping because…

Ya, you all are right, of the four Remnant, the only one who was not jumping was Daniel, so very obvious!


But as to why he did not join in the jumping fun, most of your answers are rather accurate too, so it seems you all do quite know the background of our “mysterious” Mr. Cool…
Actually both times were as Rambo had said, Daniel was escaping from the scorching European sun…

The first time was at the seaside in Portugal, he walked very quickly to the beach and hid under some rock…


The second time was at the little train station where the train takes you up the hill for a tour…

But some of your answers are quite true too… For example…

(1) eunice says: 他懒得开口,也许也是懒得跳咯。。。不然,就是觉得很无聊。。。
( He is lazy to open his mouth, so perhaps lazy to jump as well… or he thought it was very silly… )
(2) 翠微 says: 田圣哈?他站边看热闹咯。他那么酷,那里会作这样释放的动作呢。。。
( Daniel? Standing at the side to watch all the excitement. He is so cool, he surely wouldn’t do such a wild act…)
(3) Alison says: I agree with what Chui Wei had said, Daniel just stood on one side and watched with a tiny bit of smile on his ‘Cool” face…
(4) Shirley Ngu(吴太) says: 我猜。。。田圣是懒得拍照,这动作他不想拍,又或是他在很专注的思考,或是在发呆。。呵呵~~
( I guess… Daniel was too lazy to take picture, or he was not keen on such action, or he was in deep thought or was simply day-dreaming…)
(5) sarah says: …I think may be he is too shy to jump le…^^
(6) ESTHER CHIANG says: 我猜“田聖”想其師“林牧師”都沒跳像他們那個樣子,那他干嘛跳。。。
( I guess Daniel thought, his master Pastor Lim was not jumping like them, then why should he…)
(7) chung yi says: 他在找最適合他的場景,但找不到有一絲絲朦朧美的畫面符合他的形象。
( He was looking for a more suitable scenery but could not find one enchantingly beautiful place to suit his image.)
(8)最不可能的原因是这个/ The most unlikely reason is this:chiew fung says: He sings lah…. (他在唱歌。。。)
(9) 其实还有一个原因,记得这张照片吗,火车冲过来的时候拍的?
Actually there was one more reason, remember this photo that was taken when the train was coming right towards the target?

…at that time, Daniel was in charge of cleaning up the mess…
(You noticed the black plastic bag he was holding?)

跳的艺术。。。 The art of jumping…

After seeing my beautiful jump, so many controversies resulted accusing that it is fake, computer effect etc… sigh! How wicked human hearts are!

291-1208Fa (6)


Ok, ok! Rather than feeling so jealous of me the whole day, why not learn from me the art of jumping! Since I’m in a good mood today, I’ll ask my students to teach you some artistic jumping skills for free!

When you first start to learn, don’t be too ambitious and jump too high, just let one leg leave the ground first (see the guy at the back)… If you are afraid and wanna
cry like the guy in front, that’s very normal, you will adjust slowly…


(2) 你看,胜过恐惧,跳得很高,肚脐都跑出来了。。。后面那个,奇怪?怎么还是只是一只脚起来?
See, after overcoming the initial fear, you can jump very high, even exposing your belly button… but the guy at the back, strange… how come still only one leg in the air?


(3)会越练越进步,你如果像天才阿Hen那么有观察力,很会注意角度、动作等等,跟上面一张比,你会知道他们有进步:1. 肚脐和肚子露得更明显了;2. 后面的虽然右脚还是不离地,但是左脚和
You will improve as you practise more. If you are like Genius Hen who is so observant noticing the anlges, movements etc, and compare the photo above, you will
notice that they have improved: 1. The belly button and tummy are more obvious now; 2. and the guy at the back, though the right leg is still on the ground, the left leg
and hands are lifted higher now!


Sometimes it helps to have a different partner, see the guy at the back, finally he has improved, now he can jump higher and the belly button is showing too!


The guy in front can jump very well and is very natural, but he is not my student, he was born with it… but the guy behind seems to have become a bit cuckoo…


But must be careful with this game, because you can get addicted and start jumping all over the place!


No regard for safety, jumping above railway tracks even, really not suitable for children!


And you can become fiercer and crazier as you jump… just look at Jaydon’s face, compared with the 1st photo, like two entirely different persons!


This guy is the craziest, let me emphasize, he is not my student… this picture was taken when the train was rushing towards him, after that we didn’t take any more